Thursday, September 22, 2011

just keep swimming

who knew that when i saw you again it would all come rushing back? every bit of how it felt to be in your circle, your arms, your life. the times you listened patiently while i tried to explain to you things i wasn't sure i even understood myself. when i cried for no discernible reason and you just let me. the quiet times we shared when the world was only ours and life seemed to stop moving for a minute. the way my heart would skip a beat and i would laugh when you asked me if i missed you after only a matter of hours. 

and then the times of frustration. how we knew we both wanted different paths, but didn't want to separate. when we both knew and tried to fight it. 

yes, all of that all over again in the moment when i saw you again.

and for a minute i wished we could go back, and then i remembered why we are where we are right now. and you know what? i'm glad it's this way. i'm glad i'm moving forward on my separate path. moving on. moving towards what i really want.

hearts are funny, the things they hold on to, the things they make us remember. i sometimes wish i could turn mine off. but then i would miss out on this life i'm living. and no matter what i want this life. this laugh. this cry. this tiredness. this joy. this work. this time.

and so in the words of dori:

"hey mr. grumpy gills!  when life gets you down, you know what'cha gotta do? just keep swimming. just keep swimming. just keep swimming, swimming..." or moving. or running. or working. or reading. or writing. or playing the piano. or believing. or moving forward. or letting go. or loving. or whatever. 

just keep doing it. 'cause you know what? it helps.

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