Wednesday, March 17, 2010

looking for love in the wrong place


I am ending my subscription to eHarmony.  After a year of receiving matches, I am done, fed up and just a little disheartened with the whole concept.

You've seen the ads promising a true match.  The promise of actual compatibility on so many levels, 29 nine levels to be exact, that you will actually feel as though you've actually known each other for so long before you actually meet.  And then follows the video montage of actual couples, showing just how actual and true their compatibility is and how grateful they are to have actually met through eHarmony which showed them in the first place just how compatible they actually are. 

Actually, I think I'll pass.

The first six months were free, the next six were not.  Paying money to find love just feels ridiculous to me and too much like selling myself short.  But I decided to give it a chance on a supposedly grown up dating web site.  I was open to the whole experience and hoping to meet men outside my circle of friends. 

Then I started receiving matches, most of whom lived in California, Utah, Colorado, Iowa, Idaho, Washington, Montana, Wyoming and Arizona, a few of others lived in New York and Georgia, at least two from Alaska and less than a handful from Virginia or Maryland.  They all live so far away and I'm not a fan of long distance dating relationships.

The majority of potential matches never attempted communication or responded to my attempts for communication.  Those that did respond closed the match, by stating: "The physical distance between is too great."  Yep, I agree with that.  I don't want intense bursts of romance every two or three months when our travel budgets will allow.  I want every weekend between now and then, with a few extra days in between thrown in for good measure.

My favorite part of the eHarmony experience was when I received messages telling me to lower my standards to increase the likelihood of receiving even more matches.  I do not drink alcohol, and said so when asked in the compatilibility quiz.  When asked if alcohol consumption was something I would allow in my own partner I said no.  I'm not asking for the impossible or incredible, or even for something I'm not willining to do myself.  However, eHarmony kept insisting that I would receive more matches if I would change this requirement!  Uh, no I won't.  Thank you very much.

So, after a total of 177 matches, 141 of which either myself or they closed stating the physical distance between us was actually to great, 31 of which received some form or other of communication from myself or them, and 3 where no communication whatsoever was exchanged, I'm done.  I'm done.
eHarmony will be a non-event in my past.  I refuse to sell myself short in the quest for love.  I will be open to whomever comes way and doesn't set off the internal alarms.  I will continue to live my life and live it well.  I will laugh, cry, spend time with friends, spend time alone, be present, go for runs and walks, pray, cook, read, make music, dance on ocassion, enjoy the moment, travel, learn and hope.

I will be true to myself.

image from here

3 comments:

Margaret said...

way to go! Prince Charming will come...one day. :)

eHarmony_jack said...

I was sorry to read this. It’s really too bad that you’ve gone through the whole experience already, and may not have gotten the most out of it. For example, you can restrict your distance settings by moving the sliding bar under the setting to a 7 – “Very Important”.

As for drinking, I just want to say a word that although our automated system may give you this message, we understand that different people may really consider certain settings deal-breakers – it’s a personal thing. It’s too bad we didn’t give you personal assistance in finding creative ways to open up settings before it was too late.

We do agree with you – keep your standards high, and only be open-minded about things that don’t really matter in the long run.

It’s understandable that you’re done; I just wanted to send out our regrets as an employee and Customer Care representative of eHarmony. Enjoy life “out there”. I hope you have a great time and find love of your life soon! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to find me on Twitter: @eHarmony_jack -Jack

Angela said...

Good on ya. I'd love to chat with you about this and hear your thoughts!