Friday, April 1, 2011

Last weekend I got a phone call from brother R2 who lives in Iowa with his brilliant horticulturist wife, precociously cute son, gorgeous flower baby daughter and rambunctious dog Hoot. "Hey, Christine, I found your husband!" he exclaimed.

He does this every so often. Calls to tell me found my husband and then goes onto tell me about some single guy he met in the singles ward he was a leader in, some guy he saw at the hardware store, or some guy... Well, you get the picture. And usually, this some guy has some sort of characteristic which makes him totally unsuitable to be my boy with potential, such as a complete lack of personal hygiene or a severe lack of social graces. Brother R2 has a wicked sense of humor. Quite frankly I leave these conversations more glad than ever that I am single and that brother R2 is not required to arrange my marriage.

So, naturally his statement was met with great enthusiasm on my part, "Oh really, what's wrong with this one?"

"Well, N and I want to have another baby and found a way to pay for it."

"Okay, and this applies to you finding my husband how?" I curiously asked. This was a new approach and I wanted to see where this would go.

"There's this guy in San Francisco who will $10,000 to the person who introduces him to his wife..."

"Huh, what?!?!"

"...And I'm going to send him your information."

Now, I love my nieces and nephews even more than I love my siblings. In a split second I decided that I'm willing to do pretty much anything to ensure I get even more nieces and nephews, and if that means having R2 send my information to a random guy in San Francisco who is willing to pay for the right introduction, then okay. I mean, I have nothing whatsoever to lose and only a niece or nephew to gain. "Sure, why not. Send him the link to my FB page and blog. I'll help you out, but I get a cut of the $10,000 if things work out. Does this guy have a website?"

Brother R2 sent me the link to this guy's website and I checked it out. He seems pretty normal, all except for whole offering $10,000 for the right introduction. I am a little worried about his love of monkeys and shrinkage. But he does love Scrabble and music, so there's hope, right? After all, I'm a perfectly normal woman who hasn't found the right man yet, so maybe he's a perfectly normal man as well. I immediately forget about the whole thing, so ridiculous.

So, Monday afternoon brother R2 calls again. "Hey, you might receive a phone call this evening."

"Oh, really. From whom?" Once again my unenthusiastic sarcasm coming through.

"Well, I sent him your information and he emailed back and asked for your number. You can probably expect a phone from him this evening."

"What?!?! You mean you really did send him my info?!?!?" Wow, this is going to be so fun to write about for the blog, I thought. "So, what did he say in the email?"

"Well, he liked your photos. He thought it was impressive that you were in the Navy. He also asked if you like Tequila."

"Oh, and what did you tell him?"

"To start you out on something lighter and work up to it," he laughed. Gotta love, brother R2. But I did actually laugh at that one.

Then he said, "Well, I know it's a little early, but April Fool's!"

"You're a goober head, R2. You know that right?"


"So, what kept you from sending my information?"

"Christine, I never really seriously considered sending it."

"Oh, come on R2. You know you want that $10,000 and you want another kid. You must have seriously considered doing it for a second..."

So, I'm not sure whether to be disappointed or relieved. I know brother R2 loves me and all, but seriously his finding-me-a-husband skills leave much to be desired.

Happy April Fool's Day!! I hope you laugh a lot today.

photo from this fantastic web site 
featuring road signs and other art
about love. check it out.


wilybrunette said...

oh man, i can't imagine if he actually had sent it. crazy!! such a crazy world we live in!

deb sorensen said...

You are quite the writer. Have I told you that before? Cause you are...

I met K Howell the other day. Said he and your brother were tight. Said he looks after your mom from time to time.