I was sorting through some writing and found this piece, that I wrote in July 2010. And then I found out I was selected for Chief.
i feel hopeful.
they say that when you stop looking, that's when it happens. they say that when you least expect it, opportunity knocks. they say that it's best to keep your expectations low because then you're not disappointed. they say a lot of things, don't they?
i refuse to let go of hope or expectations. i refuse to stop looking or sit around waiting. in fact, i think i do a pretty good job of not sitting around waiting. i don't look up expecting mr. opportunity to walk through the door or around the corner. i live my life, moving forward, enjoying each moment and simply living.
i'm totally and fully aware that my life my own and i like to put it in the lord's hands. he's in charge and he knows best. he knows who i am, and who and what i need in my life to be the best me. i'm content to leave myself in his hands, and live. besides, i've discovered that when i let him be in charge, that's when i'm the happiest.
but, i can't help feeling hopeful, like right around the bend there's something waiting for me. i don't know what, but there's something there ahead in my road. i can feel it. it's just out of grasp and elusive, but it's there.
it's a bit scary. the last time i felt this way, i ended up deploying to afghanistan. i don't really want to do that again, but i'm open to whatever the next step is. it's not easy to be open, but i don't want to put limits on this. i want to be as open as i can be, so that i recognize the unexpected and can move with it, see how it feels and figure out my part and place in it.
i'm excited to see what it is, how this act will end. it's a bit breathtaking to have such endless possibilities lying in wait. and no matter how i try to squelch the feeling, i still feel hopeful.
they might think i'm silly, but i just can't shake this feeling. i like feeling hopeful. it makes me smile. it makes life fun, fresh and full of sparkle and faith.
and so i feel alive.