Tuesday, May 10, 2011

what's in store

I wrote this post yesterday and scheduled it for posting the next morning. I then found two more posts I wrote several months along the same theme, that I never shared. There's a theme here that I really like.

I wrote this May 2011.

sometimes i have trouble seeing the road, having an idea of upcoming experiences, or anticipating the way ahead. i get a little impatient when i am this way and i want to see what's going to happen, read the last page before i get to the end of the book. i have to remind myself that this isn't how life is. i don't always get to see the end before i get there.

more and more lately, i've been receiving road signs regarding upcoming experiences in my life. it's exciting and terrifying at the same time. and strangely, because i have an idea of the ending, i find myself able to be patient and trust. even though i have a million more questions that i want to ask, i find myself compelled to just wait.

the hardest part is removing obstacles that will hold me back from what awaits, maintaining the faith that, if i can let go of what i have right now, what is in store is even better than anticipated.

i once had to choose between buying a plane ticket home to see my boyfriend and family, or paying my tithing. i chose to pay my tithing and as i did, i was filled with the certainty that everything i wanted would be given to me. i didn't get a plane ticket home, but i did get surprised by my boyfriend flying in for the holidays. i spent ten days with a man i cared about and had a glorious time, and it was so much better than what i had planned or even dreamed.

i feel like i'm in a similar situation, choosing between two good things, but one is better. one shows god i'm serious about him and what i truly want in my life. it's all about where my heart is and how i want my life to be. sometimes i feel like i've been preparing for this moment my entire life and all i have to do is let go and let god.

here's to letting go with faith.

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