thoughtful thursday: a candle

via here

thoughtful thursday: grant me the courage

God, grant me the courage to be happy.


Miss Fee from "the wild and wily ways of a brunette bombshell" wrote this in a recent post, and I liked it so much that I wanted to share. Sometimes lots of courage is required to allow yourself to feel worthy of happiness and she captures this perfectly in her post.


Thank you, Miss Fee for sharing your courage.

my life is a golden ticket

Remember the golden ticket from the imaginative story "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"? It promised fantastic things to those who would find it in their bar of Willy Wonka chocolate. People were desperate to find a golden ticket, so much so, that they lost appreciation for the simple joy of eating a chocolate bar if it didn't contain a golden ticket. They missed out on the happiness that was right in front of them.


On Saturday evening, Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, gave this sermon to the women of the LDS Church during a worldwide satellite broadcast:



It's only 20 minutes and well worth your time.


In it he talks about the dangers of waiting for a golden ticket and wanting it so much that it excludes all else in life. How sometimes wanting something so badly can cause us to miss out on the things in our lives, which, if recognized and appreciated, can bring so much fullness and joy to us.


It was a timely message. One that I fully understood and heartily applauded in my heart.  I remember discovering, that if I had to wait for happiness to find me, then I sure was going to be waiting a long time. I stopped waiting, and went in search of it, and have kept on having wonderful adventures.


After the broadcast on Saturday, as I was driving some friends home, one of their mothers called to tell her daughter not to wait for her golden ticket to be happy. My mom also called that night, but I missed the call because I was driving and it was late and I had to work early the next morning. I imagined that she was calling to tell me the same thing.


So, I thought about what I would tell my mom if she said the same thing to me, and I had this thought: My life right now is a golden ticket! I am so blessed with a rich full life. I am happy, and learning to be happier. I know who I am and am learning so much about what and who I love. I have so much that I love and enjoy in my life, that I can't quite appreciate it all at times. Sure, I get sad and have hard days, and hard things to overcome. Happiness takes a lot of work sometimes and some days are easier than others, but all of this contributes to the golden ticket that is my life.


I am so thankful that I learned how to turn my life into a golden ticket by appreciating the simple joys in life: enjoying and loving the people around me, being true to myself and my Father in Heaven, and choosing happiness right here, right now. And that, more than anything, is what Pres. Uchtdorf wants us to know.

things that made me smile

- chasing that darn dog!

- going to church with a friend from Afghanistan who was an answer to prayers.

- having a housemate.

- cooking for a group and for myself.

- sunshine!

- rain!

- a red velvet cupcake from the sweet lobby from my housemate.

- shoe shopping with friend OS when our sky diving was cancelled due to rain, and these new shoes.

- calling my mom to sing her "happy birthday".

- the movie Hitch. i laugh every time.

- remembering.

- reading out loud to myself poetry from the book "The Subject Tonight Is Love" by Hafiz. i highly recommend his poetry and this poem in particular:

"I caught the happy virus last night
When I was out singing beneath the stars.
It is remarkably contagious--
So kiss me."

a little more quiet

from country living

i enjoy living on my own. it's nice having my own space that i can have however i want. it's nice to have quiet when i need it and to have the liberty to be in various states of dress whenever i like. i like having my own home where i am surrounded by things i love that all have a story behind them.

i enjoy human interaction, and sometimes in my single state it can be quite lacking. i have gotten used to having the television on just to have another voice in the apartment. i enjoy a good show and there are a few out there. it's fun to discuss what i watch with family and friends. but over the past few months, i have unconsciously used the television more and more, until now i am so used to having noise in the background that when it is quiet, i have a hard time concentrating.


so, this week, i am cancelling the cable and turning in the dvr box. (hello extra $80+ a month!) i want to get used to being quiet, listening to my extensive music collection, working on projects, and reading a lot more. i want my entertainment to be diverse and not come from one source.  i want tv to have a smaller role in my life.


i've been reading the happiness project by gretchen rubin. her philosophy is to be happy where you are and look for ways to enhance that happiness. as i looked at things in my life which effect my happiness, i realized that having the tv on as much as i do was not contributing to my happiness. realizing that i had become so dependent on it for background noise which eventually made it harder for me to be quiet made me sit up, take notice and make a change.


i also want to create a space where i can more clearly hear my own voice and the voice of my heavenly father. i feel like i've been blocking them out for a while now and it's time to spend time listening to these voice instead. i'm looking forward to this.


so, here's to
quiet time
creative time
listening time
and to time spent on the front porch in a hammock (someday).

happiness is...

happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
~margaret lee runbeck, time for each other

photo

things that made me smile this week

today is good friday. only two more days until easter sunday. happy easter!

the yellow and purple tulips, and hot pink hyacinths that i planted last fall are blooming this week, and they're gorgeous.

we had 80 degree weather on wednesday with no humidity. it was perfect. i opened my windows, let fresh air pour in and spent time in the sun.

an un-asked for apology from a friend, who felt her actions had let me down. it was refreshing to have someone own up and be sincere. thank you.

i am spring cleaning my home, downsizing a few things and making space.

the dental assistant told me that i have lovely white teeth, and that i should keep doing whatever it is that i'm doing. (i use sensodyne pronamel gentle whitening toothpaste and apparently it works well for me.)

my renter's insurance paid the claim from the robbery, and i have been able to start replacing items that were stolen. it's fun to have bright, shiny new toys to play with.

while purchasing some of my bright, shiny new toys, the clerk thanked me for my smile. she said she wasn't feeling well, and that my smile had reminded her to keep a smile on her face. i had spent the morning at the dentist and it hurt to smile. i was also feeling a bit self conscious of my smile due to the bruising of the gums around my front teeth, and it helped me realize that no one other than me or the dentist really looks that closely at my mouth. i need to remember this.

time spent with a lovely friend who has helped me let go of a lot of emotional baggage over the years. this week instead of her helping me, i got to help her let go. it was an awesome experience. i'm so honored she trusted me to help her and trusted that i could.

holding friend b's newly minted baby girl set the world right. baby girl made me very aware of how pure and precious we all are. some of us bury it way deep inside, but it's still in there.

fresh asparagus. blueberries. dark chocolate. good books. san pellegrino in single serving bright green bottles that come in a six-pack. deep sleep. good music. my pedometer. the first manicure of the warm season. open-toe shoes.

and from the wedding last week, a laugh. friend k, my escort to the wedding, took my champagne flute and went to get me some pellegrino for the champagne toasts. the waitress pouring the champagne asked: "are you pregnant?" "why, no!," i responded, taken aback. "oh, but he's taking such good care of you?" she questioned. "yes, he is," i said, hopefully proving that no excuse is needed for friends to take care of each other.

photo taken last fall by friend m1

happiness is a process

I used to think that either I was happy or I wasn't, and there wasn't really too much I could do to change that state. Boy, was I wrong. I've learned over time that happiness takes work.  I've been reading a lot about it lately and working at being happier.

I really like this: Happiness Engineering by the creator of Dilbert. Quick and practical ideas, nothing earth shattering or new here, just a nice list of principles of happiness.

And I really LOVE this: The Happiness Project a blog by Gretchen Rubin who also wrote a book with same title that is fantastic. I'm reading it now and will have a review to post soon. I borrowed this book from the library and love it so much that I'm buying my own copy to have on hand and mark up with my notes. I feel like I found a text book for happiness in my life with this book. My library copy has post-its sticking out every which way with all my notes.

I dubbed this year My Year of Happiness and so far it's been an interesting journey.  In just three short months with one situation after the other that would normally suck the happiness right out of me, like meeting someone new, falling in like and breaking up, learning hard lessons about trust, and even having my apartment robbed, I am experiencing greater amounts of happiness, which is definitely something that hasn't happened before in my life.

Happiness is a process and I'm just now starting to get a handle on it.

P.S. Spring has sprung here in DC. The hyacinth I planted last fall are starting to come up and in a few days they will look like these. Yay!

photo

growing

Happiness is neither a virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that,

but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing. ~Yeats

photo

daily teachings

A friend at work sends an email entitled Daily Teachings, which are little nuggets of wisdom and light. She sent this one out a few months ago.  I printed it and taped it to the top of my keyboard, and I read it every day.


I'm going to be happy. I'm going to skip. I'm going to be glad. I'm going to smile a lot. I'm going to be easy. I'm going to count my blessings. I'm going to look for reasons to geel good. I'm going to dig up postitive things from the past. I'm going to look for positive things where I stand. I'm going to look for positive things in future. It is my natural state to be a happy person. It's natural for me to love and to laugh. This is what is most natural for me. I am a happy person! ~Author unknown

Don't you just want to skip into that sunset?

photo here

good at

Anything you're good at contributes to happiness.

~Bertrand Russell

find your happy place

written several days ago:

Today I am happy. There is a deep, peaceful river of happiness running through me. The river is calm, but fast running, with swirling eddies along its banks where lush green dips sun drenched fronds into cooling water to find refreshment. A cozy warmth has settled over me and I find myself being where I can stay calm and revel in the happiness.

I was thinking later of an experience from my teens in the high Grand Tetons of Idaho at the end of a week long camping trip where I participated in lots of character and team building challenges. On the last day we were each to go off on our own for an hour or two on a solo experience. I took with me my scriptures, a journal, a jacket, snacks and water all in my backpack.  I walked up the trail for about 10-15 minutes until I couldn't hear human sounds, and all was quiet.

I found a small meadow with bright green soft grass, yellow mountain daisies and a handful of boulders tossed haphazardly around. I picked a spot, spread out my jacket and settled on my stomach to write for a few minutes. The sun warm on my back and legs. The sound of a breeze rustling leaves and grasses in the background. The occasional bird call. Greenness, so bright, it seemed to reflect onto the white pages of my journal. I wrote quickly and just fell into the serenity of being alone.

I woke up, but didn't open my eyes. There was warmth all throughout me, and a sort of bubble-like feeling of safety about me. My eyes still closed, with bright light filtering through my eyelids, I became aware of a presence. Another being was there with me, and knew I was being watched. I felt safe, so I just stayed still until I was ready, and then opened my eyes.

I had fallen asleep with my chin resting on my crossed hands and with my journal and pen underneath them both. My eyes at first were overwhelmed by the light, readjusted quickly and focused on what was in view. A brown, pointy-eared and alert coyote, or maybe even a wolf, lay in front of me his chin resting on his crossed paws. His eyes were bright and blue, alert and seemed not show any surprise at finding this strange creature in his territory. In mind I said, surprised, "Well, hello there Mr. Coyote."

He lay there looking back at me, and I at him, both of us motionless, for several long moments stretching endlessly out on that brilliant meadow. The only movement was one of his ears pointing slightly forward. I scarcely dared breath, in awe of and totally aware of the fragility of what was happening. Finally, he blinked, then yawned, raising his head a bit and his tongue curling up into his mouth before his teeth came back together. He then shook his head and his whole body, standing as he did so, like a dog shaking off water, with sunlight catching his fur and painting it golden.

I sat up and watched as he silently, blithely moved away to the tree line and he slipped into the shadows. I stayed silent a moment longer, and then laughed in release, incredulous at what had just happened. I stayed there thinking, wrote a little more, drank some water, cleared my head and again reveled in the silence.

This is my happy place; well, one of a few happy places. And some days this is where I chose to go. Where do you choose to go?

quiet joys

image from commons.wikimedia.org

we should all do what,
in the long run,
gives us joy,
even if it is only
picking grapes
or
sorting the laundry.
-e.b. white

I realize that doing laundry doesn't give most people joy (from what I hear from most people with kids, laundry definitely doesn't give joy).  And for migrant field workers in California, picking grapes probably doesn't give joy either (there could be a whole other post on this, but I'm not a political commentator.)  However, joy is possible in the outcomes of both situations.

I really do like sitting on my couch, watching a favorite show or listening to a conference talk on the internet while folding clean laundry.  I like the neat piles of clean clothes, towels, sheets, socks and pjs ordered across my couch.  I like putting it all away, knowing I have clean laundry again.

I even like ironing and will do a mass ironing about once a month while watching a movie.  Nothing like multi-tasking.  I like having a closet full of neatly pressed blouses and trousers.  It gives me a feeling of accomplishment and expands my wardrobe choices quite a bit.

When asked what my simple pleasures in life are I usually include clean sheets, fuzzy socks, comfy pjs and sweetly tart, juicy red grapes.  Some days I come home from work exhausted and change right into clean pjs and sit down to eat a handful grapes and some rosemary & olive oil flavored Triscuits while reading a book.  And let me tell you, that right there is joy.  Quiet joy, but joy nonetheless.  All that laundry folding pays off, and those migrant grape pickers certainly enabled my joy.

P.S.  I have a big pile of laundry on the other end of my couch waiting to be folded tonight, and some ironing as well.  The possibilities for joy abound.  Now I just have to decide what movie to watch.

P.P.S.  You, whoever You are, are great.  Thanks for your comments, the Neil Armstrong dream made me laugh.  Can You leave me a hint so I know who You are?  I promise not to reveal You.  xoxo

this just makes me smile... and dance

500 days of summer from fox searchlight studios

great flick.
this is not a love story. this is a story about love.

Everything's amazing and we aren't happy

So, my sister-in-law sent this clip to me and it really resonated with everything I've seen and experienced over the past year. I think Louis CK, the comedian featured in the clip, really says something that more of us should listen to.

Unfortunately, the embedding was disabled on YouTube, but here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus

Vanity Fair did a follow up interview with him about this clip. I'll give you fair warning, VF doesn't edit out the language.

http://www.vanityfair.com/online/culture/2009/03/02/louis-ck-starvation-can-be-character-building.html

It's just a different voice saying many of the same things are church leaders have been saying. However, people are paying attention to this guy. I find it all interesting and hope you do too.

If you want to make God laugh

Not sure who it was that said, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans," or "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." All I can say is that God must be laughing right now and I was making other plans.

Four and a half weeks ago, I received a phone call at work from an officer in my reserve unit telling me that I had won the lottery. The prize? A year deployment in Afghanistan (AFG). Some joke you think--nope, not a joke at all. This is for real. A phone call one Wednesday morning turned my life upside down. I called my parents that morning and then spent the rest of the day at work trying unsuccessfully to focus on the task at hand and get some real work done. Ha!

I found out that morning that I was being involuntarily recalled to active duty to deploy to AFG for a year. Even though I'm a Navy reservist, I'm going to be doing an Army job and working in an Army environment. I'll be providing admin support to a Provincial Reconstruction Team (PRT) in Farah Province. If you want to know more about what this all means, just google it.

Basically, I had four weeks to pack up my life and get ready to start a new one. Pack up my apartment, go to the reserve center to do my medical and dental screening, pack up more stuff in my apartment, call creditors and make arrangements to pay bills, go to dinner with friends, pack up more stuff in my apartment, make appointment with JAG lawyer to execute a will and power of attorney, pack up more stuff in my apartment, tell family, friends and co-workers that I'm leaving to spend a year in Afghanistan. Yeah, right and all in four weeks. Oh, and my parents came to see me for the last week and a half I was in home in DC. Fun, stressful and busy, but overall really glad Mom and Dad came to be with me.

It was sobering to pack up my desk and apartment, and say see you in a year. I really like my job and the people work with are really fun. They make the job worthwhile. Plus, it's amazing how much stuff I think I need, but I was comfy in my little basement apartment. It was home. It's weird to think that for the next year I'm not really going to have a home. A series of rooms in a barracks for the next few months, and then who knows what in AFG. I feel ungrounded without a home.

But now the adventure has begun! I'm on my way and who knows what the next few months will bring. Here I am weeks later sitting in my room in Bachelor's Quarters (BQ) in Norfolk, VA and tomorrow morning I start in processing at Navy Mobilization Processing Site (NMPS). I'm curious as to what tomorrow will bring and everything I'll be learning. In the next few weeks I'll be learning more about what my job will be and more about where I'm headed. I'm really excited about what lies ahead.

I hope this blog proves useful to friends and family in keeping up with me. Everyone says they want photos, I'll post those here as well. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. Hopefully, you'll learn a little Navy lingo along the way as well. I promise I'll do my best to keep it up-to-date and tell you what I'm doing.

At the beginning of this post, you probably thought I sounded a little sarcastic and I was. However, in spite of how frustrating and hard the past few weeks have been, I'm really excited about this new adventure. I figure as long as God is laughing, I must be in for the time of my life.