Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts

Sunday, September 9, 2018

j & c's story - part four


During that first week, so many tests were run to figure out what I was actually sick with, and the doctors were getting no answers. The chiefs of infectious disease and pulmonary medicine were both on my case, and were the nicest doctors ever. The infectious disease doc even looked like Kris Kringle from the original “Miracle on 34th Street.” Both of them would pat my hand reassuringly as they would prepare to leave my room.

In the meantime, Jesse got used to being called Mr. Boyer by the stream of nurses, doctors and technicians who came and went. It was just easier to let it go than explain to everyone that we were only engaged. My pulmonary medicine doctor had apparently talked with one of my nurses and learned that we were engaged. He asked us our story during a visit, and was so taken by it that he kept asking questions. Soon everyone knew that we were not married, but engaged, and were even more impressed by Jesse’s very apparent loving care of me.

Throughout this week, Heavenly Father’s care for me was also very readily apparent. Jesse also gave me a blessing before each of the big tests I would undergo, which helped me a lot to stay calm.

The pulmonary chief decided he needed samples of the fluid both in and around my lungs. Drawing fluid from around my lungs required a needle to be inserted into my upper-lower back into the pleural space (yes, I WebMD’ed this) to collect the fluid specimen.

The pulmonary doc did this procedure himself right there in my hospital room. I sat on the edge of bed supported by the table, Jesse and a nurse, a very nice young woman who was wearing a hijab. The doc administered a local anesthetic in the spot he would insert the needle, which thankfully worked very well because I didn’t feel a thing. He inserted the very large needle through my back into the pleural sack and after waiting for a moment no fluid came out. He withdrew the needle, and announced he would need to try again. I was holding onto both Jesse and the nurse’s hands. As the doctor prepared to insert the needle a second time, I began to pray out loud whispering quietly, asking Heavenly Father help make this time successful. I hadn’t even finished my prayer, when the doctor announced it was working and he collected enough fluid for the required tests. I thanked Heavenly Father and relaxed my grip on the hands I was holding. The nurse looked at me with tears in her eyes, and squeezed my hand while the doctor put a Band-Aid on my back. I’ve never experienced such an instantaneous answer to prayer before. I knew I was being watched over, and I experienced no pain at all from this procedure.

Daily blood draws were a nightmare. The vampires… er, phlebotomists were really good their jobs and for the most part didn’t hurt me. The only problem was that one phlebotomist kept using the same spot to draw blood for three days straight. Finally on the fourth day, my poor, tired, little vein decided enough was enough and collapsed. The attempted blood draw was so painful, I wanted to smash the guy’s face into the bed rail. I refused to let him or anyone else touch me again for several hours. Finally, a young woman convinced me to let her try on the back of my hand.  She was successful--thanks heavens!

I even had a bronchoscopy so that the kind pulmonary doc could look at my lungs on the inside and collect tissue samples. Thankfully, I was put under while the scope and pincers were inserted and biopsies collected, but awakened to violent, bloody coughing and nose blowing. I used up a small box of tissues until I could catch my breath and stop coughing. It was pretty awful. The good doctor was so kind to me though, and stayed in the room with his anesthetist until I was breathing regularly.

The blood and tissue tests kept coming back with negative results. In other words, they couldn’t figure out what was causing the pneumonia. Among other things, I was even tested for cancer, hence the lung tissue biopsies, which came back negative too. This was all both good and bad, because it meant that it wasn’t a funky bacterial thing or streptococcal infection, but they had no idea what was going on.

One night I was awakened for the hourly vital signs check by the night nurse, and I could barely move I was tired. I remember feeling so tired that I almost didn’t say anything to the nurse. I mustered up the strength to tell her that everything felt really heavy and dark. Immediately, she tested my blood oxygen level which was in the low 80s. A team came rushing into the room with a nebulizer. They removed the nasal cannula and fit the nebulizer over my face and turned up the oxygen. I had to use this for the next couple of days until my levels were constantly above 92, and then they weaned me off of it and back onto the nasal cannula. I hadn’t experienced not having sufficient oxygen before and it was a weird feeling.

Everyone took such good care of me, and Jesse led the way. He helped me to eat, and drink, to sit up, and held my hand through every blood draw. I was so thankful he was there because of him I was never alone during that first week. My housemate LP was a lifesaver, bringing needed clothing and toiletries, and her miraculous turkey neck broth with rice that tasted so good in comparison to the hospital food. My friend SAS also came a couple of times sitting with me as well so Jesse could get food and shower.

We were told that I needed to go 48 hours without a fever with urine and bowel movements on my own before they would even begin to consider releasing from the hospital. So, the big goal became to get my temperature down and keep it down. The fever would break for a few hours and then shoot up back again.

Finally, I got a break. My fever broke and stayed away for 24 hours, so we started feeling hopeful. I started sitting in the chair for a couple of hours at a time. I went to the bathroom by myself a couple of times. The physical therapist visited and I went for a walk down the hallway. I was quite a sight, I had the oxygen, IV and a walker. I was wearing two hospital gowns, one to cover my front and one to cover my back, and those awesome hospital socks with the anti-skid plastic on the bottom.  Plus, I had a big belt around my waist that the PT used to steady me when I got a little wobbly. I made it to the end of the hallway and back with my entourage attending me every step of the way, and a high-five from my doctor when he saw me out and about. 

We were one step closer to me going home.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

awake at 3 am... again



Sometimes waking up at 3 am and then going back to bed three hours later is a good thing. It's very quiet with only the occasional sound of air moving as a car drives past. This quietness gives me space to breathe, and just be quiet myself. It's very quiet all the way deep into my soul, and although I'm feeling a little stressed in the head, I have the biggest smile on my face right now. I'm ready to crawl back into bed and sleep for a few more hours. I know I'll wake up when I'm ready.


I read this: Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence and felt peace come in and recharge my soul. I'm ready.


Here are a few of the gems:


""...Therefore, let not your hearts faint. … Mine angels shall go up before you, and also my presence, and in time ye shall possess the goodly land.” What goodly land? Well, your goodly land. Your promised land. Your new Jerusalem. Your own little acre flowing with milk and honey. Your future. Your dreams. Your destiny. I believe that in our own individual ways, God takes us to the grove or the mountain or the temple and there shows us the wonder of what His plan is for us."
In speaking about the gift of personal revelation from God:
...the Lord has said, “I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart.” I love the combination there of both mind and heart. God will teach us in a reasonable way and in a revelatory way—mind and heart combined—by the Holy Ghost. “Now, behold,” He continues, “this is the spirit of revelation; behold, this is the spirit by which Moses brought the children of Israel through the Red Sea on dry ground.” Doctrine and Covenants 8:2-3
That same spirit of revelation that prompted Moses to part the Red Sea, enabling the escape of the children of Israel from Pharaoh's army, yes that same spirit, is what God sends to us today when we ask him for his help. Pretty amazing to stop and think about for a minute. We are so loved by our Father in Heaven.
“Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.” Hebrews 10:35-36
Good stuff. Thanks to my good friend Angela in NZ for sending me the link to this sermon. Just one of the many reasons why I love you.



Thursday, January 27, 2011

what a prayer feels like


I love this.  When I read it, I said, "Yes, yes, yes!" I have felt this often in my prayers. For me, a prayer sometimes feels like pulling a silk down duvet over me and burrowing in safe and warm. It's a good feeling.

"Would it be all right--I mean, would you mind if I prayed for her?"
Although I did not want his assistance--had not asked for his assistance--this one time, I was willing to put aside how I felt about God, because Claire could use all the help she could get.  Almost imperceptibly, I nodded.
Beside me, Father Michael's voice began to move over the hills and valleys of the simplest prayers:  "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."
Before I realized what I was doing, my own mouth had started to form the words, a muscle memory. And to my surprise, instead of feeling false or forced, it made me relieved, as if I had just passed the baton to someone else.
"Give us this day our daily bread and lead us not into temptation. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive others who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."
It felt like putting on flannel pajamas on a snowy night; like turning on your blinker for the exit you know will take you home.
I looked at Father Michael, and together we said, "Amen."
Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart. New York: Atria, 2008, p. 256

Friday, October 1, 2010

night night prayers

last night i received the best phone call ever.

my four year old nephew lc called to say his night-night prayers with me. "dear heavenly father, thank you for this day... thanks that i was good today.  help me to be good on the rest of the days. name of jesus christ. amen."

ohhhh, what a simple little prayer.  it did my heart good.

i now have a standing invitation to bring my sleeping bag out to idaho and sleep on the trampoline next summer.  i can't wait!

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥

p.s. i love that my sister sleeps out on the tramp with her boys frequently during this summer.  what great memories and what an awesome mom she is!