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Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Sunday, January 4, 2015
2014 in review
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January
Friday, January 2, 2015
new
Happy New Year!
It's so strange to my head that it's 2015 already... and we are already 1.5 days into it. I must say that this year is definitely off to a much more intriguing start than last year. Woop woop!
I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want. Selfish, I know, but I realized that it's a really important and big question for me. I was asked what I wanted for Christmas and I didn't have an answer. I honestly didn't know. A friend recently asked, "What do you want me to do for you?" and again I didn't know. So it feels right that I start this new year off by asking myself what do I want. I hope to figure it out this year.
Things I'm going to do this year:
1. Be the biggest loser and get my butt to bed earlier
2. Keep the Sabbath day holy
3. Learn how to create and follow a budget, and then do it!
4. Read more books, watch less stuff
5. Read the Book of Mormon again with real intent
6. Set a retirement date from the Navy Reserve and begin planning it
7. Call more and text less
8. Forgive myself, and trust God more
9. Sing and play the piano more
10. Be open and available to answer the call
11. Answer the question "What do I want?"
12. Be the hopeful romantic
This all feels do-able.
It's so strange to my head that it's 2015 already... and we are already 1.5 days into it. I must say that this year is definitely off to a much more intriguing start than last year. Woop woop!
I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want. Selfish, I know, but I realized that it's a really important and big question for me. I was asked what I wanted for Christmas and I didn't have an answer. I honestly didn't know. A friend recently asked, "What do you want me to do for you?" and again I didn't know. So it feels right that I start this new year off by asking myself what do I want. I hope to figure it out this year.
Things I'm going to do this year:
1. Be the biggest loser and get my butt to bed earlier
2. Keep the Sabbath day holy
3. Learn how to create and follow a budget, and then do it!
4. Read more books, watch less stuff
5. Read the Book of Mormon again with real intent
6. Set a retirement date from the Navy Reserve and begin planning it
7. Call more and text less
8. Forgive myself, and trust God more
9. Sing and play the piano more
10. Be open and available to answer the call
11. Answer the question "What do I want?"
12. Be the hopeful romantic
This all feels do-able.
Friday, February 14, 2014
love is all you need?
Yay, it's Valentine's Day! (aka Singles Awareness Day)
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| the evilest Disney prince ever |
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| i love t-rex. i couldn't find a source for this. |
One year when I was particularly down and cynical about the whole "love thang". I had an epiphany about this day. Valentine's Day is like Thanksgiving Day!
We should express and show our gratitude every day. Seems a little silly to have a day dedicated to expressing gratitude when you think about it... And yet we have this holiday every fall where we gather with family and friends, eat ourselves to death, watch football, sleep off turkey comas, (and in some cases get an early start on our Christmas shopping) all in the name of giving thanks, and celebrating gratitude.
Can you see where I'm going with this yet?
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| via here |
A part of me agrees with the naysayers of Valentine's Day. We should be telling our loved ones that we do indeed love them every day, and we shouldn't need a holiday to remind us to do that. We also shouldn't need a holiday to remind us to be grateful.
And so here we are with this "silly" holiday that celebrates love. And you know what? It's okay to celebrate love. I received Valentine roses from my dad (Papa Bear) this week along with a note that said, "A Daughter Bear for a Valentine! What more could I ask for? Love, Dad". And I sat and cried, because I knew he did love me--I knew it before he sent me roses. But I really appreciated the extra effort he made to let me know that he did. He also called to make sure I received the flowers, and told me that he wanted to make sure that I got a Valentine this year. Sometimes it's the little things that can make all the difference.
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| via Gayana |
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| via bewareofimages |
Saturday, November 30, 2013
putting the lack thereof in perspective
It feels important to acknowledge this place I'm at right now... This place in my life
where it's really hard to see what I do have in comparison to what I
don't have. And what I don't have is REALLY BIG, or at any rate it seems that
way right now. Lately, I’m often feeling very alone, and very small, and
unwanted, and unimportant. And lacking.
Yet, my life is full of...
~People who care about me.
~People about whom I care a great
deal.
~Activities that bring me joy.
~Things that make me smile.
~Quiet and loud.
~Friends that make me giggle.
~Books, movies, music and plays. Escapes
into new worlds and characters. Sparks of ideas on how I want my life to be.
~Projects that keep my hands and
mind busy creating.
~Clean clothes, sheets, blankets,
dishes, floors, socks, towels, water.
~Good food cooked by me and
others--honestly food is one of the simple pleasures in life.
~My vacuum cleaner--I know it's
funny to be thankful for a vacuum cleaner but it sure does make my life easier.
~Hot water, dishwasher, washer and
dryer, ice cream maker, crock pot, stove and oven.
~Warm coats. Hats. Scarves. Gloves.
~My little brother's pack back.
~Mistakes. Repentance. Forgiveness.
~Love.
~Crying tears of sadness and joy. Lots
of this lately.
~A friend who says, "Hey, when
the zombie apocalypse happens, you're coming over to my house. My back door is
always open for you. You know that right?"
~People who enjoy Doctor Who at
least as much I do, if not more, and who want to enjoy it with me.
~Nerdiness--so much nerdiness. Yes, I'm mainly talking about Star Trek fun here.
~Cookies and ice cream. Really,
really good burgers and fries and milkshakes. Pho.
~Phone calls from family and
friends. And the conversations with young nephews who really know how to sum up my life.
~Lots and lots of laughter.
~Opportunities to take care of
others and be taken care of myself.
~People who say thank you. Who stop
and listen, and make me talk in spite of myself.
~People who choose me, and let me
choose them back.
~People who make really hard
choices to do and be better, and inspire me to do the same.
~People who say "Man that
really, really stinks." And don't try to figure it out for me. Sometimes
it's important to just acknowledge the stink and let it be.
~Once a week phone calls from my
dad.
~Getting right it wrong, a lot. And
getting it right a lot too.
~A Father who has a plan and so
much love. And right now my tiny ounce of faith in that plan and His love.
~Conversations with people who are
in my boat, or who have moved onto another boat, but have been in my boat. This
is so helpful.
~Saying goodbye and hello. Letting go.
~So much more than I listed here.
See, that's a long list of goodness
that I have in my life! But the lack pushes its dark little self up to the top of the
pile, and is the only thing that catches my attention even though it's
surrounded by so much light. The lack feels and looks really big, and I'm having trouble focusing in on the light and there is a lot of light. I know that.
I guess my point in writing this
today is to just say out loud that I’m struggling a bit with being single, and it’s also in
the face of an upcoming milestone birthday. I honestly never imagined I would come this far as a single woman. I thought that by now I would be sharing my
life with my man at my side and our family.
Sherry Dew calls it living
the unexpected life, and my life is certainly unexpected too.
I suppose I never did choose the expected route, especially as an LDS woman, so it really should be
no surprise that I’m here single. Right? I just never thought of my choices as excluding the possibility of marriage and family. Maybe they have and
maybe they haven’t, I'm still figuring that one out. All I know is that I try to do what I feel is right,
and to be as Christ-like and loving as I can. Yes, I know in the end these two things are the most
important, but at times it’s little to no comfort as I contemplate my life and
what’s next for me.
All I know for sure (most days) is I’m where I felt He
wants me. He said be patient a bit longer, and I’m trying--sometimes not succeeding at all. But right now it’s really hard. And that’s okay to acknowledge.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
contagiously happy
Earlier this week, some friends and I were sharing our Myers-Briggs personality type indicator results. (If you're curious about your type indicator, you can take a quick test here.) The conversation then turned to the fan-made charts of each personality type matching a character in a popular book or movie series, like Harry Potter, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Downton Abbey. There is even an animal chart if you're not into fictional characters. Anyway, it's a fun way to explore who we are, and how we interact as human beings.
On the animal chart I'm a dolphin, and the first words of the description are "contagiously happy," which I wasn't too sure about. Then a friend said that she felt like it was totally true about me. I laughed and said that I felt like I was contagiouslybitchy crabby last week.
So, on Friday morning, I woke up feeling ratherbitchy... er, crabby. And I had to cover to the front office desk, which meant I needed to be pleasant and polite, or exactly opposite of how I was really feeling. As I walked from the car into the office I remembered my friend saying that she felt I really was contagiously happy, and I said to myself, "Okay, Christine, you need to own this "contagiously happy" piece in you today, because if you don't people will be hurt."
So, I owned it. And people left my desk laughing all day long, and it was fun! And I still felt crabby at times, but more often than not I was smiling, and genuinely so. It took a little while for it to feel completely genuine, but I was glad that it finally did. Friday turned out to be a pretty good day in spite of my waking on the wrong side of the bed.
My point in sharing all of this? It's always surprising to me where the reminders come from to be better than I am.
I'm grateful that a fun conversation with my friends about personalities, and fictional characters would be the inspiration for me to choose to be in a better mood, and remember to treat others how I want to be treated.
I'm grateful for the variety in my life that allows friends and moments like these to help me choose better.
Thank you.
On the animal chart I'm a dolphin, and the first words of the description are "contagiously happy," which I wasn't too sure about. Then a friend said that she felt like it was totally true about me. I laughed and said that I felt like I was contagiously
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| contagiously happy dolphin via here |
So, on Friday morning, I woke up feeling rather
So, I owned it. And people left my desk laughing all day long, and it was fun! And I still felt crabby at times, but more often than not I was smiling, and genuinely so. It took a little while for it to feel completely genuine, but I was glad that it finally did. Friday turned out to be a pretty good day in spite of my waking on the wrong side of the bed.
My point in sharing all of this? It's always surprising to me where the reminders come from to be better than I am.
I'm grateful that a fun conversation with my friends about personalities, and fictional characters would be the inspiration for me to choose to be in a better mood, and remember to treat others how I want to be treated.
I'm grateful for the variety in my life that allows friends and moments like these to help me choose better.
Thank you.
Friday, October 4, 2013
i gave myself 15 minutes...
I gave myself 15 minutes to write today. I don't know what will come up during the next 15 minutes, but whatever it is will be posted for the world to read, so I hope it's meaningful in some way.
I'm meeting a friend for lunch at 1 pm on a Friday afternoon. This is a complete luxury, because on any other Friday I would be at work in a windowless cubicle trying to focus on what's in front of me, instead of what's around me. Friday afternoons at work tend to drag a bit.
So, today on this Friday, I'm discovering how "I can while away the hours ago, conferring with the flowers, consulting with the rain. And my head I'd be scratching while my thoughts were busy hatching, if I only had a brain". (Name that tune and that movie, please.) The Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, sings this as he explains to Dorothy what he wants from the Wizard. It can be applied to what I'm thinking about today. How I've wished for time to work on some projects, and clean my house, and read some books, and play some music, and run some errands, and talk to people, and sleep, and cook, and...well, you get the drift. I would ask the Wizard for time, or Hermoine for her time turner. (By the way the auto-correction for Hermoine is heroine, which I find totally fitting.)
And here I am suddenly with an abundance of time on my hands, feeling the pressure to get things done, but also not wanting the success of being furloughed to be a completed to-do list; rather, I want to fell more rested and more better. I've read some fun books, cleaned some nooks and crannies that desperately needed it. Thankfully, I haven't discovered a carpet beetle infestation like some other friends did, who are now spending their furlough days doing laundry, cleaning, and running to the Goodwill or the dry cleaners. My time is my own, and it's so very nice.
I guess my point in writing this, is that I hope I use this time off wisely. Sure, I have a to-do list, and I've crossed a few things off it. But in the end, time spent on the back porch in the hammock, soaking up the last sunlight of summer, drinking cold lemonade, listening to some really good music, and reading a lovely tale is the most delicious part of this time. Who knows, maybe I'll blow off my to-do list entirely, and just give myself up to the back porch entirely?
I'm meeting a friend for lunch at 1 pm on a Friday afternoon. This is a complete luxury, because on any other Friday I would be at work in a windowless cubicle trying to focus on what's in front of me, instead of what's around me. Friday afternoons at work tend to drag a bit.
So, today on this Friday, I'm discovering how "I can while away the hours ago, conferring with the flowers, consulting with the rain. And my head I'd be scratching while my thoughts were busy hatching, if I only had a brain". (Name that tune and that movie, please.) The Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, sings this as he explains to Dorothy what he wants from the Wizard. It can be applied to what I'm thinking about today. How I've wished for time to work on some projects, and clean my house, and read some books, and play some music, and run some errands, and talk to people, and sleep, and cook, and...well, you get the drift. I would ask the Wizard for time, or Hermoine for her time turner. (By the way the auto-correction for Hermoine is heroine, which I find totally fitting.)
And here I am suddenly with an abundance of time on my hands, feeling the pressure to get things done, but also not wanting the success of being furloughed to be a completed to-do list; rather, I want to fell more rested and more better. I've read some fun books, cleaned some nooks and crannies that desperately needed it. Thankfully, I haven't discovered a carpet beetle infestation like some other friends did, who are now spending their furlough days doing laundry, cleaning, and running to the Goodwill or the dry cleaners. My time is my own, and it's so very nice.
I guess my point in writing this, is that I hope I use this time off wisely. Sure, I have a to-do list, and I've crossed a few things off it. But in the end, time spent on the back porch in the hammock, soaking up the last sunlight of summer, drinking cold lemonade, listening to some really good music, and reading a lovely tale is the most delicious part of this time. Who knows, maybe I'll blow off my to-do list entirely, and just give myself up to the back porch entirely?
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| How I wish this was my back porch... via here |
Saturday, June 22, 2013
boxing up
Today I helped a woman pack up her life. She has cancer and will soon go home.
I went through her papers and photos. I decided what should be shredded and what should be kept. It was sobering. I found myself holding back the tears as I sat on the floor catching just a glimpse of her adventures and her life. It was so hard, realizing that we were helping her put her life in order.
She has so much she still wants to do. She's worried about hurting feelings and treating the people around her with love as she deals with being very, very sick and leaving behind the life she loves here. Her body is starting to have to work much, much harder to do even the simple things like lift her hand to her mouth. Her attitude is the best, she's still laughing and enjoying the life she has. I hope I can be more like her in living and appreciating the life I have no matter what.
All week I've been thinking about her, praying for her, hoping for a last minute miracle. I have also done a lot of thinking. How life is so short, too short, too often. There's so much I want to do. That God has a plan for each of us. That it's the plan even when it seems like the plan has been abandoned and thrown to the wind. That I'd like to know more of the plan up front sometimes. And that life really is good even when it's not, and I would not trade this life for anything.
Above all I was thinking that I know she's in good hands. We all are.
And I kept thinking about this quote:
God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things. It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. It can enlighten the deepest valleys of sorrow. It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn.
- Elder Uchtdorff, General Conference, April 2o13
I went through her papers and photos. I decided what should be shredded and what should be kept. It was sobering. I found myself holding back the tears as I sat on the floor catching just a glimpse of her adventures and her life. It was so hard, realizing that we were helping her put her life in order.
She has so much she still wants to do. She's worried about hurting feelings and treating the people around her with love as she deals with being very, very sick and leaving behind the life she loves here. Her body is starting to have to work much, much harder to do even the simple things like lift her hand to her mouth. Her attitude is the best, she's still laughing and enjoying the life she has. I hope I can be more like her in living and appreciating the life I have no matter what.
All week I've been thinking about her, praying for her, hoping for a last minute miracle. I have also done a lot of thinking. How life is so short, too short, too often. There's so much I want to do. That God has a plan for each of us. That it's the plan even when it seems like the plan has been abandoned and thrown to the wind. That I'd like to know more of the plan up front sometimes. And that life really is good even when it's not, and I would not trade this life for anything.
Above all I was thinking that I know she's in good hands. We all are.
And I kept thinking about this quote:
God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things. It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. It can enlighten the deepest valleys of sorrow. It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn.
- Elder Uchtdorff, General Conference, April 2o13
Monday, June 3, 2013
i create
"Creativity is not something you wait for. It is something that waits for you. You must decide to be creative, not wait to be. You must challenge yourself. Pick up the brush. Grab hold of the camera. Start cooking the meal. Get to the workplace early. Propose the solution. Advance the idea. Become the answer."
I don't know who the author is of these thought provoking sentences. It's stuck with me ever since a colleague, who sends daily emails with inspirational quotes, sent it to me. I copied and pasted it into a Word document, played around with the font and color, printed it, and stuck it up in my cubicle with my magnet that says, "Keep Calm and Boldly Go". I needed those words that day.
I've been feeling stuck in a funk lately, and very bored with work. Those words helped me start to look at what I create when I'm at work. They were the kick in the pants I needed.
I read somewhere else lately, that waiting around makes a person a consumer, who takes what they can get, instead of being a creator, who makes their own reality. I don't want to be a consumer. I want to contribute and create.
I started a mental list of all the things I create in my life, and then started writing them down so I could remember them.
I create...
Beauty in my garden by taking care of the plants I put there and removing the weeds.
Smiles from people walk by looking at my garden. It's fun to sit and watch people coming and going.
Order at work by keeping on top of y projects and filing completed projects. (I really dislike filing, so this one is really hard for me to keep up on.)
Music when I sing and play the piano.
Warmth by crocheting hats and blankets.
Cleanliness when I clean up after myself and keep my house neat.
Friendships with people at work, in the neighborhood, at church, in line at CVS.
Love through service.
Laughter when listening to people share their funny stories or when I share my own.
Food. I enjoy cooking and making good things to eat and share with people.
Ideas by thinking about stuff and writing.
What do you create?
I don't know who the author is of these thought provoking sentences. It's stuck with me ever since a colleague, who sends daily emails with inspirational quotes, sent it to me. I copied and pasted it into a Word document, played around with the font and color, printed it, and stuck it up in my cubicle with my magnet that says, "Keep Calm and Boldly Go". I needed those words that day.
I've been feeling stuck in a funk lately, and very bored with work. Those words helped me start to look at what I create when I'm at work. They were the kick in the pants I needed.
I read somewhere else lately, that waiting around makes a person a consumer, who takes what they can get, instead of being a creator, who makes their own reality. I don't want to be a consumer. I want to contribute and create.
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| via here |
I started a mental list of all the things I create in my life, and then started writing them down so I could remember them.
I create...
Beauty in my garden by taking care of the plants I put there and removing the weeds.
Smiles from people walk by looking at my garden. It's fun to sit and watch people coming and going.
Order at work by keeping on top of y projects and filing completed projects. (I really dislike filing, so this one is really hard for me to keep up on.)
Music when I sing and play the piano.
Warmth by crocheting hats and blankets.
Cleanliness when I clean up after myself and keep my house neat.
Friendships with people at work, in the neighborhood, at church, in line at CVS.
Love through service.
Laughter when listening to people share their funny stories or when I share my own.
Food. I enjoy cooking and making good things to eat and share with people.
Ideas by thinking about stuff and writing.
What do you create?
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
musings on adventure
I hear frequently from friends who say they like hearing about my adventures. I tell them I want to hear about their adventures and they always say, "Okay, I will when I have one."
I do not think my life is all that adventurous. I just do my thing and share things on Facebook or here on my blog so that members of my family can see what I'm up to. I have fun in my life, but day-to-day is pretty mundane.
I am, however, of the belief that life is an adventure. Sometimes it is a grand, romantic adventure where exciting things happen and I get to do some really cool things. Other times it's a quiet, uneventful adventure in simple and unassuming ways. Either way, for me the adventure is for the taking.
I think that if you are in school working on degree towards doing something that you love and believe in, then that is an adventure. The experiences are meaningful to you and shape your view of life, people and the world.
Family can be quite the adventure. I know my own family is an adventure. We have a lot of fun together and have gone through some really hard stuff together. I love hearing about my siblings' lives as they are having experiences and adventures as parents and spouses that are fulfilling and amazing, if not more than a little mundane at times. I mean the piles of laundry that a family of 4 produces does not sound fun at all, but all the trappings that goes with that laundry, well they sound like a lot of fun to me.
I learn so much from other people's experiences. I am so grateful when they choose to share their stories and insights. They provide a different perspective for me to look at life with. I learn so much about what life has to offer and what other people need and want. Hearing other people's experiences has helped me to be more open to the opportunities that I have in my life and move forward with faith even when I am scared. It helps me to know that I am not alone in my struggles.
I think about this quote when I get discouraged or bored with life:
I do not think my life is all that adventurous. I just do my thing and share things on Facebook or here on my blog so that members of my family can see what I'm up to. I have fun in my life, but day-to-day is pretty mundane.
I am, however, of the belief that life is an adventure. Sometimes it is a grand, romantic adventure where exciting things happen and I get to do some really cool things. Other times it's a quiet, uneventful adventure in simple and unassuming ways. Either way, for me the adventure is for the taking.
I think that if you are in school working on degree towards doing something that you love and believe in, then that is an adventure. The experiences are meaningful to you and shape your view of life, people and the world.
Family can be quite the adventure. I know my own family is an adventure. We have a lot of fun together and have gone through some really hard stuff together. I love hearing about my siblings' lives as they are having experiences and adventures as parents and spouses that are fulfilling and amazing, if not more than a little mundane at times. I mean the piles of laundry that a family of 4 produces does not sound fun at all, but all the trappings that goes with that laundry, well they sound like a lot of fun to me.
I learn so much from other people's experiences. I am so grateful when they choose to share their stories and insights. They provide a different perspective for me to look at life with. I learn so much about what life has to offer and what other people need and want. Hearing other people's experiences has helped me to be more open to the opportunities that I have in my life and move forward with faith even when I am scared. It helps me to know that I am not alone in my struggles.
I think about this quote when I get discouraged or bored with life:
Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . .
Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride. - Jenkin Lloyd Jones
Yep, life is really difficult and sad, boring and dusty sometimes, interspersed with moments wonder and adventure. I think they happen more often than we think. Sometimes we are not accustomed to recognizing the the beauty, because we are so bogged down in the mud we forget to look around us. For me sharing the beauty in my life through social media helps me to focus on the beauty. I have plenty of crappy, unhappy things and really hard struggles that I could be sharing, but they are only a small part in the overall scheme of my life.
Beauty is everywhere; it just needs recognition, and therein lies my adventures.
Beauty is everywhere; it just needs recognition, and therein lies my adventures.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
photo recap of week 1
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| teenage mutant ninja turtles |
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| crocuses greeting me in the front garden |
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| snow falling in the backyard during 'noquester storm of 2013 |
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| a fish hat... it's a little disconcerting to think you put your head in its mouth |
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| the day after the snowstorm, look at that sky! |
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| a red, white and blue sunset |
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| a beautiful rug shop near Eastern Market, DC |
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| a random list from my notebook |
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| a Capitol sunset |
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