my comfy chair

 for a while now i've been dreaming of a comfy chair in my bedroom. this summer, when i moved into my fabulous new house, i began to sell some things on craigslist and started the comfy-chair fund.

a couple of weeks ago, my dream chair came home with me.

i love my new chair from ikea, it seriously makes me happy.

i paired the chair with:

one of the rugs i bought in afghanistan, 

and my silver adjustable lamp. 

dad, the little red bird you gave me for christmas last year is hanging from the lamp.

all i need is a small side table to set my cup of chamomile-spearmint tea and i'm set.

oh, and the color tabs on the wall...
well i've almost convinced myself not to repaint...

let go

I found this piece too, which I originally wrote in January 2011. I wish that I thought it was still so easy...




This new year started off with a bang.  Lots of exciting things happening in my life, that I'm savoring and keeping close for now.  But let me tell you, good things are happening.


Last week, I met with a good friend who has the gift of helping others to see themselves the way God sees them.  I love meeting with her to talk about life, ask questions and learn how to focus myself more fully through God's lens.  As we talked last week, I felt impressed to focus on living the life I've had playing out in my heart for a while.  You know, the life for which I've always secretly wished and kept under wraps, because it all seemed too fragile to put out in the open, and I know you know, because you too have wishes and hopes hiding out in your heart.


So, this week in just the few days where I've practiced focusing on letting go and just letting my dreams and hopes turn into reality, some fun and interesting things have happened.  My heart has been lighter, happier, more full of hope. My smile has been easier and less strained.  I am so absolutely full of contentment, resolve and happiness I could just swim in it, spend the afternoon lazing about in the utter decadence of it all.  Because, really it feels so utterly decadent to feel this contented.  It's like, I've been holding myself back for a really long time and suddenly now I'm not.


Answers to a problem came easily to me in the middle of the night, causing me wake up and lose a half night's sleep, but suddenly I knew how to articulate everything I wanted to say in a situation with which I'm struggling.  My faith has grown roots 200 feet deep overnight it seems and it's an amazing feeling.  And the resolve that comes with such an explosion of faith is steadying and freeing.


Happiness is meant to be this year, and I'm going to focus on pulling it out and making it last as long as I can.  I have this image of pulling a piece of taffy out until the strings are so thin and tenuous that they break, but it doesn't matter because it's still taffy.  I'm going to savor each moment, no matter how small, revel in the explosion of flavor and sweetness to every last drop, and just be happy.


I am in awe when I stand back and look at all this, because it's all so easy.  Easier than I ever imagined to just let go and truly put it all in God's hands and say, "I trust you. Take these dreams of mine, take this heart of mine and make it all real." I know it might not all turn out they way I want or the way I dreamed, but I have learned from experience, both bitter and sweet, that when God is let go then what happens in my life is so much better than I could have ever imagined or dreamed for myself.


Here's to the year
of happiness
of letting go of dreams and letting God do his work
of dreams becoming realities in ways that are so much better than I ever dreamed.


It's all possible, I just know it.

a tree

there is a tree i pass every day on my way to and from

work. this tree marks the seasons and changes colors.

this tree is my favorite tree. and it's particularly beautiful

in the spring.

this tree is my dream tree.

this spring i'm finding it quite difficult to hold onto

my dreams, but i'm trying to keep my grip firm.

while showing its pale pink, lacy beauty, the tree

reminded me that many good things last only for 

a season, a short time before a transformation

to something different, greener, more subtle and

appropriate for the next season. and maybe that's

me. maybe this is just a season of change before

my true spring. a truly beautiful reminder that next

year spring will return as expected and as dreamed.

a dream come true?

When two people in my life both have dreams about me with similar themes, I tend to perk up and pay attention.

First, about a month ago, my sister dreamed that I was getting married. It was quite a vivid dream for her, and she remembered lots of details and the conversation that she had with my husband-to-be.  She also reminded me that she had dreamed I had broken off my engagement before I called to tell her I had done so. Interestingly enough, at the same time she dreamed I was getting married, I also dreamed quite vividly that I was finally a mother.

Second, a co-worker stopped by my desk this morning with a big smile on his face to tell me he had dreamed of me last night. He dreamed I was getting married. Among other things, he recalled that it was a lush green setting with some kind of natural water landmark prominently featured.  What is interesting to me, is that he and I are not particularly close and have not talked previously about personal things at all. Our conversations are infrequent and mainly work related.  But as he said, when it's out there in the universe other people can pick up on the vibes.

So, this is me, putting out it there into the universe so that all the vibes can hook up somehow. Good things are coming... And God is the master planner.

photo

it's 4 am on new year's eve

as i write this it's 4 am on new year's eve. the ball hasn't dropped yet, that's about 20 hours away.

i woke up from a dream of a monsoon rain in an open house with many windows in the midst of a lushly green jungle, a shadowed man who loved me and laughing, joyous children. it was delicious. the rain was amazing and clean. the love from that man felt warm and real, and the laughter of the those children dancing in the rain on the verandah was heart filling. at some point in the dream, i was going around the house locking doors in obscure places, because there was sa need to protect and hold onto the fleeting feelings of deliciouness and love. and then i woke up.

hmmmmmm. interesting dream to have at approximately 4 am on new year's eve morning.

so now i'm awake an hour or so before my alarm was due to go off , so that i could get up on time to meet my running group and end the old year doing what i said was going to in one of my resolutions for 2010. as i look back on this past year and remember my goals, i am quite pleased with some things, and looking for ways to improve in the ways i didn't do so well. if you'll recall with me, strengthen was my resolution this year. lots and lots of growing pains this year. amazingly, i do feel stronger in so many ways: taller, experienced, happy, tired and pleased. what a ride this year was.

goodbye 2010. hello 2011.

i promise to
be open to adventures in rain, love, family and life
keep on getting stronger
be more childlike
move more
do new stuff (even, and especially, if it's scary)
plan and carry out the first ever boyer family reunion (it's written down now, so. it. will. happen)
connect my family
spend more time being quiet - scripture study, prayer and meditation
turn off the tv more
finish those unfinished projects
make room for Him and him
save money and travel

here's to a good, somewhat painful at times, amazing year.
and here's hoping this next one is even better.

photo one

photo two

everybody says don't - my musical history

Everybody says don't

Everybody says can't

Everybody says wait around for miracles

That's the way the world is made

I insist on miracles if you do them,

Miracles might come true,

Then I say don't...

Don't be afraid!
lyrics to Everybody Says Don't from Anyone Can Whistle 

I discovered this song at a time when I felt that everything in my life was telling me don't.  Don't do that or you'll miss out on this.  Don't do this or that thing you really want won't happen.  Don't dare to dream that your life could be different, that I could be different.  I was restless, wanting to have adventures and aching to spread my wings. 

In my twenties, there were a lot of things that I didn't do simply because I was too scared.  I had a lot of fun and great experiences, but I remember pushing through a lot of fear in order to get there.  Fear of failing, fear of trying, fear of succeeding.  Fear of everything that I dreamed of for myself.

I needed to hear someone tell me don't be afraid to fail, it's okay, it's just part of the journey.  Maybe someone did, but I didn't listen until this song.  It went straight to my heart and empowered me to take chances, and I listened to it again and again.  I feel that because of this song I was able to work up the nerve to go off to England where some of my long held childhood dreams came true.  I remember simply telling God that I was going to England, and when it was time for me to come home I would, but I wanted this chance and I was taking it.  It was empowering to learn to take control of my life. 

Those years in England were some of the best in my life so far, and most formative.  I fell in love for the first and second times.  I learned my heart can heal after ending serious relationships and making big mistakes.  I traveled to places I had only ever dreamed of, and made friends who are still a huge part of my life today.  I learned that God truly does have a plan for me and if I listen and follow him, then I really am happier and that faith and hope replace fear. 

It's hard for me to capture sufficiently what this song did for my life.  I still struggle with being afraid sometimes, but it's easier now to let go of the fear and move forward with faith.  Life doesn't always turn out as planned.  Sometimes I do fail, but when I do, I make a noise and get right back up.  I've learned that by insisting on miracles and working hard for them, my dreams really can come true.

I say do!

Plus, it's Barbra Streisand belting this song out.  It doesn't get much better than this.

Link to the video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzBVo8W2uv4&feature=player_embedded

vespa dreams

via

last night i dreamed i was in malta

riding a vespa that switched colors depending on my mood

along a narrow walled coastal highway

overlooking crystal blue waters with white breakers

and lunch was in mdina on the side of the hill with a

view of the red-domed cathedral in the next town over

and then i woke up

and i wanted to be back in malta

via

a teaser

here's a teaser... a preview of friday's space shuttle launch.

it was spectacular.

the most beautiful, incredible sight i've ever seen.

more to follow soon.

photo by friend sd

the final frontier (or a dream come true)

I've always been a little nuts about

SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER

and the people who go there (and even the people who play people who go there).  I've read lots and lots of biographies about the real astronauts over the years, trying to imagine their perspective of our lovely planet, the rush of flying that fast and far into space, and the feeling of doing something that few people on this planet will ever get to do.  For a short time, I even wanted to be an astronaut.  Then I was told that in order to be an astronaut I had to lots of math, and that was the end of that.  Math is just not one of my stronger areas.

I had crushes on astronauts as a little girl.  Without internet I had no pictures up in my room or anything like that, but at school when I would see them on TV I just thought they were the handsomest men in the whole wide world... Heck the whole wide universe for that matter.

I once had a major crush on this guy!

John Young,  Captain of STS-1,

the maiden launch of the space shuttle program.

He too walked on the moon.

Plus he was a major hunk.

I currently have a major crush on the guy on the right.

And I do have to admit that the guy on the left was rather nice.

(yes I know they haven't really been to space)

But that's a whole other story.

My love of all things space extends to:

Star Trek

Star Wars

(the original trilogy, of course)

Stargate

(I love Macgyver)

Firefly

(Seriously, Fox what were you thinking when you cancelled this show?)

Defying Gravity

(So sad it was cancelled)

and a multitude of other shows and books and people.

I clearly remember at the age of seven, sitting in school and watching the first space shuttle launch on television.  I was amazed and remember saying to myself, "Someday I will see that in person."

Guess what!?!?!?

On Friday, 14 May 2010 at 2pm

I will be at the

Kennedy Space Center for the launch of STS-132,

the final voyage of Space Shuttle Atlantis.

Seven year old me is jumping up and down for joy.

I'm so excited!

Yes, this is me and just last year.

i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings


inspired by meg who writes letters to the man she loves but hasn't yet met.

nasa image at commons.wikimedia.org 

dream tree

when i dream of trees,

i dream of this tree in particular.

i dream of a weeping cherry tree

its thin branches twirling in a breeze,

covered in lace of the lightest shade of pink

tinged with bits of green.

i dream of this tree in front of my home.

shading my yard, providing protection for

a child in a swing reading a favorite book,

a blanket covered with leftover picnic remains

and a sleeping child.

marking the seasons of life,

welcoming visitors to my home,

giving such beauty each spring.

i. love. this. tree.

i see it every day on my way to and from work

and it has become my dream tree.

i, especially, love this tree in the spring.

gorgeousness abounds all around.

photo by me on the way to work one morning.

looking for love in the wrong place

I am ending my subscription to eHarmony.  After a year of receiving matches, I am done, fed up and just a little disheartened with the whole concept.

You've seen the ads promising a true match.  The promise of actual compatibility on so many levels, 29 nine levels to be exact, that you will actually feel as though you've actually known each other for so long before you actually meet.  And then follows the video montage of actual couples, showing just how actual and true their compatibility is and how grateful they are to have actually met through eHarmony which showed them in the first place just how compatible they actually are. 

Actually, I think I'll pass.

The first six months were free, the next six were not.  Paying money to find love just feels ridiculous to me and too much like selling myself short.  But I decided to give it a chance on a supposedly grown up dating web site.  I was open to the whole experience and hoping to meet men outside my circle of friends. 

Then I started receiving matches, most of whom lived in California, Utah, Colorado, Iowa, Idaho, Washington, Montana, Wyoming and Arizona, a few of others lived in New York and Georgia, at least two from Alaska and less than a handful from Virginia or Maryland.  They all live so far away and I'm not a fan of long distance dating relationships.

The majority of potential matches never attempted communication or responded to my attempts for communication.  Those that did respond closed the match, by stating: "The physical distance between is too great."  Yep, I agree with that.  I don't want intense bursts of romance every two or three months when our travel budgets will allow.  I want every weekend between now and then, with a few extra days in between thrown in for good measure.

My favorite part of the eHarmony experience was when I received messages telling me to lower my standards to increase the likelihood of receiving even more matches.  I do not drink alcohol, and said so when asked in the compatilibility quiz.  When asked if alcohol consumption was something I would allow in my own partner I said no.  I'm not asking for the impossible or incredible, or even for something I'm not willining to do myself.  However, eHarmony kept insisting that I would receive more matches if I would change this requirement!  Uh, no I won't.  Thank you very much.

So, after a total of 177 matches, 141 of which either myself or they closed stating the physical distance between us was actually to great, 31 of which received some form or other of communication from myself or them, and 3 where no communication whatsoever was exchanged, I'm done.  I'm done.
eHarmony will be a non-event in my past.  I refuse to sell myself short in the quest for love.  I will be open to whomever comes way and doesn't set off the internal alarms.  I will continue to live my life and live it well.  I will laugh, cry, spend time with friends, spend time alone, be present, go for runs and walks, pray, cook, read, make music, dance on ocassion, enjoy the moment, travel, learn and hope.

I will be true to myself.

image from here

i love the beach

i love the beach.

there is something deep in my heart which opens wide
and just says live here.
this happens every time i am near the ocean
and go for long walks on the beach.
i think i need to do this every day.

you might see some beach dream posts.
because, dreams just don't come true unless you write them down.

the gulls in the foamy surf.

the feeling of sand being dragged out from under my feet by the waves.

sea shells

beach as far as the eye can see...

foamy waves

me, getting my feet wet after a short run.

the view on pawley's island.

i could live here...

the view the other way on pawley's island.

really, truly live here.

the intercoastal waterway and swamp in between the coast and pawley's island.

i could so live here.

these are the women with whom i played this weekend.

we've been there for each other ever since

we were roommates in london almost ten years ago.

we are constantly amazed at how life turns out

and the adventures that come from simply living.

i love these amazing women

and am thankful they are my friends.

photos by me and sd

looking for a place

I’m looking for a new place to live, which can fun or really frustrating.

Today was frustrating.

Today I need to smile and dream...

I have an unlimited budget for housing and utilities.

I would petition the city for this building.

It was erected in 1894. The marble plaque in between the windows says so.

Look at that space on the left. I’m thinking landscaping, a tiered vegetable garden, a water feature, and a small table and chairs under a tree. I love how wide it is. Maybe I’d make two houses… or not.

Off street parking, oh baby! I just think it has so much potential.

Plus look at that brick work. Gorgeous!

I would leave the Engine House No 10 lettering right where it was. And the fire pole too.

Or maybe I want to live in yellow or purple. What color would you paint your house?

I want to live in a skinny house on a corner with this great yard. I love this house. It’s old, it needs work.

I love that it’s on a corner and it has funny angles in the rooms. So much potential. So much work!


Or maybe I want round tower rooms and a balcony for my matching castles.
“Rapunzel let your hair down. It’s me, your Prince Charming.”
I think I would just have to put this sofa in one of the round rooms. A girl can dream, right?


This just makes me smile. I love all the colors and the skyline marching down the block.
One of these things is not like the other.
It makes me smile and I need this today.

Pray that I find a good, safe place to live. Thank you.
photos by me on capitol hill, dc

Random searching

The lady's name is Christine Boyer, first wife of Lucien Bonaparte, one of Napoleon Bonaparte's younger brothers. It's the classic story of the landlord's daughter marrying a prince and becoming a princess. See, I always knew I was royalty. I demand better treatment and shoes!

This is the Blc. Hilltop Star orchid. It's just one of over 22,000 species. Amazing, and kind of cool.

Have you ever Google searched yourself to see what comes up. Alas, nothing about me personally ever shows up on the first 5 pages of the search results, but I do come across some random findings on Google.

There's a new website that made news headlines this week called http://www.hunch.com/. It helps you make information based decisions based on your responses to questions. I was curious. A website that makes your decisions for you? I tried it out to see what it was, and basically learned what I already knew. I should just follow my hunches.

So, I started off by answering 20 seemingly random questions, like "When you go to a party, who do you talk to? People you know and are comfortable with or everyone, including strangers," and "Your new home entertainment center was just delivered. Do you: hire someone to put it together for you, sit down with the instruction manual and hope you get it right, or just pull everything out of the box and go for it?" I then was able to ask my question about buying a car. I'm planning to buy a car within the next year, so I thought I would see what the suggestions were. I answered about 10 more questions about car related topics such as two or four doors, sporty or practical, and price range. I got three solid answers and a wild card answer. Number 1-Honda Accord Two-door Coupe (So, not a fan of two door coupes, but like the Accord a lot). Number 2-Mini Cooper Convertible (Yay!! Love the mini. Seriously considering this car for purchase.) Number 3-Volkswagon Golf (I like VWs, but like the Jetta better). Wild Card-Chevy Uplander FWD mini-van (Big thumbs down. I even answered a question about putting a baby seat in the car. Boo!).

Interesting little experiment here. Hunch.com was co-founded a woman name Catherine Fake. Does that mean the irony is that it's a Fake Hunch?

Really, though I'm a firm believer that you can always find what you're looking for. If you look for happiness, you'll be happy. If you look for misery, you'll be miserable. I've found it's easier to get answers when I can let go of expectations, and just expect to get an answer or at the very least find what I'm looking for.

Lately I keep losing my keys. What's that a sign of? Maybe nothing, but still an interesting thought considering I've spent quite a bit of time over the past month and a half looking for some keys to a storage unit with no luck. So, maybe my theory of always finding what you're looking for doesn't work on keys. Then again, there are no magic keys in real life.

So, in this information age, when we have so much at our finger tips, it's interesting to think that a search algorithm might be able to help you make a decision or find you answer to a question. All my Hunch.com experience did, was confirm that I pretty much had my own answer all along. Granted there are some things that you do want to ask for help on, or maybe just talk about with a friend just to hear yourself think it out.

In searching, it's always fun to see what you find. I never expected to find a portrait of a 18th century French princess or a hilltop star orchid while doing random online searches. What pleasant surprises these answers turned out to be. Maybe that's point of searching; there are always pleasant surprises to be had. Often all we need to do is stop and listen to the divine within ourselves. We just have to get to a quiet place in order to listen to the right voice for the answers we already have.

What I want to be...

"Hey, Christine when you were a little girl, what did you want to be when you grew up?" T.G. asked me today at work. I started to laugh, thinking back on everything I had ever thought of doing in my life.

I recall distinctly two things I wanted to do when I was little. First, I wanted to be a nurse like my Grandma B. She had magic hands that always made me feel better and I wanted to be able to do that for people, because feeling better when you feel crappy is such a wonderful thing. This lasted until the day I was left in charge of my younger siblings and my then obnoxious little brother skinned off his thumb knuckle with his brand new Boy Scout hatchet. I discovered I don't do so well with blood. I did manage to retain enough presence of mind to wrap his thumb in a towel, apply pressure to try to stop the bleeding, and then call our neighbor, Norene, to take him to the doctor for stitches. I think I all but passed out. Thus ended my days of wanting to be a nurse.

Next I wanted to be a teacher like my Grandma O, who taught in the Logan City schools for a very long time. I remember how fun her classrooms looked when I visited her. She had really great bulletin boards full of colour and fun characters. For Halloween, there was an eight foot tall, cone-shaped paper witch with green or orange hair outside her classroom door. Not only was she teaching, but she was being an artist as well. It looked so fun to be a teacher--I wanted to do that. This is the little when-I-grow-up-dream has stayed with me over the years. I think eventually I will teach.

So tomorrow during lunch I'm going to be interviewed by my over achiever co-worker. She's pregnant, on active duty in the Navy and in school with a crazy credit load. She's going to ask me a few questions about what I wanted to be when I grow up. Very fun to think about being a kid again with the open book of dreams ahead of me.

Over the years many variations on this dream have crossed my mind and I've been able to try a lot of things. In many ways I still feel no closer to knowing what I want to be when I grow up. I have discovered that what I want to do is the means to what I'd really like to be when I grow up. Being, in so many ways influences the ability to do. It is by by imagining, then creating and doing--by living--that what I want to be is achieved.

So, what I do want to be? Happy.

And I am.