Showing posts with label the live life list. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the live life list. Show all posts

Monday, May 30, 2011

NYC

crazy.  chaotic.  totally.  fabulous.  free.  crush.  smelly.  inspiring.  surprising.  fun.

freedom tower at ground zero


ground zero




before the actor's workshop


during the actor's workshop


walking to times square


everywhere you look there are...


architectural surprises 


madison square gardens


more suprises


a venetian inspired surprise












we watched this musical - pretty awesome.




name that movie:
"life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."
lunch at bubba gump's






real life and model. which is which?
this guy's hair is fabulous.


rockefeller plaza with my charges for the day.


rockefeller tower


the lego store had lots of fun things to look at.


so many legos to choose in every color, shape and type


the lego dragon. and check out the lego lights.


the iconic entrance to radio city music hall


the carpet at rcmh




artwork in the grand entrance


the men's washroom at rmch


a corner of the guest book in the private rmch apartment


the rmch grand foyer and members of cirque du soleil  rehearsing


an entrance to the rockefeller tower



panorama from the top of the rockefeller tower


another panorama from the top of the rock


yes, that's the empire state building in the background




the hershey's store at times square.
this is for you tara!


it was fleet week in nyc - so lots of sailors.


times square at night






awesome neon
i'm hooked and i can't wait to go back.

Monday, January 10, 2011

living with my heart


I guess I had forgotten the wild abandon with which I used to throw myself at life and even into love. I didn't notice how slowly my heart was closing up to life's experiences and that I had stopped long ago looking at life through my heart or that I was slowly forgetting happiness and how it feels.

After years of basically living and not risking, I gradually let myself shut down.  Granted there are what seem like good excuses for doing this. I fell in love, said yes to joining my life with his, then entered into disillusionment when everything I thought we could be together turned out not be his priority.  I lost a brother in an accident. In one instant my heart was broken so badly I thought it would never be repaired and even when faith replaced anger, my heart still hurt. I deployed to Afghanistan to fight a war and learned how to go to a place in my head where I could pull that trigger while aiming the weapon at another human being, and this completely broke my heart.  These are the big moments, the ones that put me on alert and my heart said, "No, this life, right here, it's not for me. I'm not doing this anymore."

But it's the little moments too.  The times when I decided I was too tired to let someone new in, was discouraged by how I didn't forgive myself for something that happened over fifteen years ago, and when once again I put my hopes out there only to be disappointed.  I was too afraid to risk and live.

All this stuff added up and I got to a place where I didn't recognize myself or how I had gotten there.  I'm pretty sure on some level I knew it was happening, otherwise I wouldn't have felt the general discontent with life and myself. Shutting myself, my heart, down was the logical answer. If I don't feel, then I don't hurt. But this was detrimental to my joy, my happiness, my light.

As I look back, it hasn't been easy, but the fight to re-open heart has made all the differences.  And it's taken some time to get to where I am now, which really is a pretty good place with lots of possibility. Starting to take risks to find the dream or at the very least say that I've tried, is scary. And the old cliche: It's better to have tried and failed, then to never have tried at all. Well, it's true.

So many times I've taken everything in my heart and put it all on the altar, the pretty and the ugly, and said to God, "Alright, here's the deal. I don't like me very much right now.  I don't like this sadness I feel.  I don't like this inward dimness and that I'm just not living life.  Please, help me out here.  I'm tired of being unfeeling. Help me discover my voice and choose to hear your voice, and reconcile the two. Please help me, I won't make it without You."

It's been a long process, but I think I'm finally learning how to do this. My voice in recent months has become a little louder, clearer.  I can hear His voice now penetrating through all the stuff that's not important and focusing me on what is.  I don't have all the answers, but I know I'm starting to live with my heart again and that feels... Well, it simply feels.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

lessons from the past two months

I've been thinking about what to share with you all here on my blog about my experiences for the past two months as I've trained to become a Navy Chief (E7).  It's hard to even put into words and tell my family what happened and what I've learned.  I'm not sure I can do it in the written word.

I have 35 new brothers and sisters, all of whom I love dearly and with whom I've worked and trained over the past two months.  We were 36 distinct individuals with our own ideas about how to lead and get the job done, and when it came right down to it we pulled together and became one team.  It was amazing to watch as we put ourselves aside, turned to each other and truly became a team.

One of the biggest lessons I learned is that I need to lead my Sailors with my heart.  In the the end, the point of all this training was learning to let go and listen to my heart.  That was the hardest part, because that meant letting go of all my pride and stripping my heart down to the barest bones of its existence so that what was most important could come through. 

The Chiefs who trained us knew what it would take for us to get this point.  It included physical training sessions, butt chewing sessions, team building exercises and assignments, crawling through the mud for two days in the woods, doing loads of pushups and flutter kicks on command and when we make mistakes, "sleeping" on the hard ground, singing lots of songs together, just plain being together for two long months, and sacrificing our summer for this training.

When all was said and done, I was covered from head to toe in orange and white mud, my hair was encrusted with twigs, grass, feathers and critters, my E-6 uniform was torn apart, and my heart was broken and put back together.

A good friend used to say all time, "Let go and let God."  And in the end, this is how I finally found my heart and let it come through.

                                        ******************************************
A friend asked me what the changes in my responsibilities are and the Chief's Creed is the best way to describe those changes.

The Chief's Creed


"During the course of this day, you have been caused to suffer indignities, to experience humiliations. This you have accomplished with rare good grace and therefore, we now believe it fitting to explain to you why this was done. There was no intent, no desire, to demean. Pointless as it may have seemed to you, there was a valid, time-honored reason behind every single deed, behind each pointed barb.

"By experience, by performance and by testing, you have been this day advanced to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER. You have one more hurdle to overcome. In the United States Navy and only in the United States Navy, E-7 carries unique responsibilities. No other armed force throughout the world carries the responsibilities nor grants privileges to its enlisted comparable to the privileges and responsibilities you are now bound to observe and expected to fulfill.

"Your entire way of life has now been changed. More will be expected of you, more will be demanded of you. Not because you are an E-7, but because you are now a CHIEF PETTY OFFICER. You have not merely been promoted one pay grade--you have joined an exclusive fraternity, and as in all fraternities, you have a responsibility to your brothers, even as they have a responsibility to you.

"Always bear in mind that no other armed force has rate or rank equivalent to that of the United States Navy. Granted that all armed forces have two classes of service: enlisted and commissioned, however, the United States Navy has the distinction of having four i.e., Enlisted, CHIEF PETTY OFFICER, Commissioned Warrant Officer and Commissioned Officer. This is why we in the United States Navy may maintain with pride our feelings of superiority once we have attained the position of E-7.

"These privileges, these responsibilities do not appear in print, they have no official standing, they cannot be referred to by name, number nor file. They exist because for over 200 years the CHIEFS before you have freely accepted responsibility beyond call of printed assignment, their actions and their performance, demanded the respect of their seniors as well as their juniors.

"It is now required that you be a fountain of wisdom, the ambassador of good will, the authority in personnel relations as well as their technical application. "Ask the Chief" is a household word in and out of the Navy. You are now the “CHIEF”.

"The exalted-position you have now received, and I use the word “exalted” advisedly, exists because of the attitude, the performance of the Chiefs before you. It shall exist only so long as you and your compatriots maintain these standards.

"So this is why you were caused to experience these things. You were subjected to humiliations to prove to you that humility is a good, a great, a necessary change which cannot mar you—which in fact, strengthens you, and in your future as a CHIEF PETTY OFFICER, you will be caused to suffer indignities, to experience humiliations far beyond those imposed upon you today. Bear them with the dignity, and with the same good grace, which you bore these today.

"It is our intention that you will never forget this day. It is our intention to test you--to try you--to accept you. Your performance today has assured us that you will wear your hat with aplomb brothers in arms before you.

"I take a deep, sincere pleasure in clasping your hand and acceptin you into our midst."


Friday, May 28, 2010

shuttle launch!

Here are the long awaited photos from the Space Shuttle Launch!
I recommend clicking on each photo to enlarge it.

It was a gorgeous day for STS-132 Space Shuttle Atlantis.

The lights at night from 12 miles away.
We wanted to see the launch pad at night with all the lights.  This was the closest we could get, but our little reconnoiter trip made us resolve to come back to this same spot to view the launch.

Sunrise, about eight hours before the launch.

This was such a great day. SD and I woke up at 0530 and by 0558 our tents were down, we were changed into our clothes for the day, a bathroom run was completed, and we were backing out of our camping space and heading to Titusville, FL to get our viewing spot for the Shuttle Launch.  About 20 minutes later we paid, parked and got out of the car just in time to catch a gorgeous sunrise.  Perfect timing!  Then we climed back in the car, and went back to sleep for about three hours.  We woke up surrounded by cars and people.  Lots of time to relax, walk to Walgreen's and Circle K for bathroom runs and cold drinks, sleep some more, read and think about life.

Off she goes!  Just a few seconds after launch.
This was one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.  These photos don't even do it justice, but we had to try to capture it.

Gorgeous!
Even from 12 miles away, we could hear the launch.  It took a few seconds before we could hear it, and at first it was just a rumble in the distance that grew louder and louder.  Then almost imperceptibly the ground began to vibrate for a just a few short seconds.  It was amazing.

Go baby go!
I was crying and praying, "God Speed.  Come home safe.  Thank you for this."
It was so much better than I had every imagined.

Words just can't do it justice.
It seemed like we watched her go up forever.  It was a perfect day for a launch.  Visibility was fantastic, because we could see her go and go and go and go.  We wondered afterwards what it must have been like the day that Challenger blew up.  If the weather and visibility were anything like our day, then it would have been an absolutely perfect view for such a chilling sight.  "God Speed.  Come home safe."

There's a bright white spot at the end of the jet stream where Atlantis is.

Atlantis had a perfect final mission and landed without mishap on 26 May 2010 at Kennedy Space Center.  Now she will be outfitted one last time as the back-up, rescue craft and be put on standby for an emergency.  I really hope she isn't needed for a space rescue (can you imagine?), but I would love to see her fly again.

Beautiful white jet stream against the perfect blue sky.

The vehicle assembly building (VAB) in the center is the iconic NASA building
I remember so well seeing it on television as a child.
Just above the flag, is the Crawler which transports the assembled Shuttle
with the External Tank and Booster Rockets
one mile down the gravel track to the launch pad.
Awesome engineering!

Enjoy my slide show!!!
Here's the link, if the embedded viewing doesn't work:




My seven-year-old self was jumping up and down, and crying for joy this day.


photos by sd who traveled with me- thanks a million!!!