looking for love in the wrong place

I am ending my subscription to eHarmony.  After a year of receiving matches, I am done, fed up and just a little disheartened with the whole concept.

You've seen the ads promising a true match.  The promise of actual compatibility on so many levels, 29 nine levels to be exact, that you will actually feel as though you've actually known each other for so long before you actually meet.  And then follows the video montage of actual couples, showing just how actual and true their compatibility is and how grateful they are to have actually met through eHarmony which showed them in the first place just how compatible they actually are. 

Actually, I think I'll pass.

The first six months were free, the next six were not.  Paying money to find love just feels ridiculous to me and too much like selling myself short.  But I decided to give it a chance on a supposedly grown up dating web site.  I was open to the whole experience and hoping to meet men outside my circle of friends. 

Then I started receiving matches, most of whom lived in California, Utah, Colorado, Iowa, Idaho, Washington, Montana, Wyoming and Arizona, a few of others lived in New York and Georgia, at least two from Alaska and less than a handful from Virginia or Maryland.  They all live so far away and I'm not a fan of long distance dating relationships.

The majority of potential matches never attempted communication or responded to my attempts for communication.  Those that did respond closed the match, by stating: "The physical distance between is too great."  Yep, I agree with that.  I don't want intense bursts of romance every two or three months when our travel budgets will allow.  I want every weekend between now and then, with a few extra days in between thrown in for good measure.

My favorite part of the eHarmony experience was when I received messages telling me to lower my standards to increase the likelihood of receiving even more matches.  I do not drink alcohol, and said so when asked in the compatilibility quiz.  When asked if alcohol consumption was something I would allow in my own partner I said no.  I'm not asking for the impossible or incredible, or even for something I'm not willining to do myself.  However, eHarmony kept insisting that I would receive more matches if I would change this requirement!  Uh, no I won't.  Thank you very much.

So, after a total of 177 matches, 141 of which either myself or they closed stating the physical distance between us was actually to great, 31 of which received some form or other of communication from myself or them, and 3 where no communication whatsoever was exchanged, I'm done.  I'm done.
eHarmony will be a non-event in my past.  I refuse to sell myself short in the quest for love.  I will be open to whomever comes way and doesn't set off the internal alarms.  I will continue to live my life and live it well.  I will laugh, cry, spend time with friends, spend time alone, be present, go for runs and walks, pray, cook, read, make music, dance on ocassion, enjoy the moment, travel, learn and hope.

I will be true to myself.

image from here

winning the battle - week one

week one has come and gone of the battle. 

thankfully, even though i was on vacation and didn't always stay true to the diet, i maintained and didn't gain any weight.  i worked out every day.  i took my food plan with me, but i was on vacation.

i planned to eat some real food.  south carolina is known for its barbecue and we found a really good place, we also found a really good place for mexican and went out for birthday dessert one night.  so, yeah, i didn't stay true to the diet while on vacation, but i'm okay with that.

i'm feeling pretty good about the first official week of the battle.

i love the beach

i love the beach.

there is something deep in my heart which opens wide
and just says live here.
this happens every time i am near the ocean
and go for long walks on the beach.
i think i need to do this every day.

you might see some beach dream posts.
because, dreams just don't come true unless you write them down.

the gulls in the foamy surf.

the feeling of sand being dragged out from under my feet by the waves.

sea shells

beach as far as the eye can see...

foamy waves

me, getting my feet wet after a short run.

the view on pawley's island.

i could live here...

the view the other way on pawley's island.

really, truly live here.

the intercoastal waterway and swamp in between the coast and pawley's island.

i could so live here.

these are the women with whom i played this weekend.

we've been there for each other ever since

we were roommates in london almost ten years ago.

we are constantly amazed at how life turns out

and the adventures that come from simply living.

i love these amazing women

and am thankful they are my friends.

photos by me and sd

south of the border - something weird in sc

I-95 is not the most exciting interstate freeway in the world.

(understatement of the year, i know.)

once we got into north carolina, we started seeing signs for....

pedro at south of the border

yes, you read them right.

it's just as tacky as the signs.

we had to stop and take photos with pedro

this other pedro

and this weird purple gorilla.

pretty much, it's tijuana, mexico on crack

and not in a good way.

what a welcome to an otherwise beautiful state.

top images from: southoftheborder.com

photos by sd

walking on the beach

walking on the beach
i heard
the crash of waves,
smothering the sound of traffic
on the other side of the
single sea grass covered sand dune
dividing
where
humans lived, worked and were preoccupied
from the beach where people are.

on the beach side of the sea grass covered sand dune
people stopped to watch waves
roll in.  the water
swelling up, up,
then the moment of hesitation before
the crest falls and curls,
foaming towards the beach.
the sound of water falling, colliding
on itself drowning out the non-beach sounds
and causing my body to sigh in relief and finally relax.

the sound of gulls screeching in the breeze.
the mist at the far end of the grey beach, leftovers
from yesterdays rain.
a dolphin, sleek and grey, its fin sliding in and out of the water,
seeming to keep pace with us as walked.
boys throwing a football, laughing.
girls squealing in the surf as waves crash over them.

a father and small boy carefully measuring the waves
before getting their toes wet.  the boy turning to grin up
at his dad and then gaining courage, charging out into
the incoming wave, only to be surprised and topple over.

an older couple meander barefoot
with their pants rolled up midcalf.
alternating between touching and
keeping within arms length, it's almost
as if
they are on a third or even tenth honeymoon.
they want to be together.
their heads come close in conversation.
they look out to where the waves are
and forget about time.

the smell of salt in the wind.
clouds racing along the sky, finally
breaking to allow
the sun
to warm our faces and tinge them with red.
the water packed sand firm beneath our feet
and broken shells littering our path
and marking the highwater point.

oh, what a morning we had on the beach.
i could almost forget that place on the other side
of the sea grass covered sand dune.

photos by me in myrtle beach, sc, usa

today

today is a day when i can choose
who i want to be.
if i want to change or be the same,
full of experience or regret,
strong, happy, content or grateful.
today is full of possibility.

today i can stop and think, go for a walk.
today i can see the horizon ahead and where i want to be,
and turn around and look back on my path
to see where i am from.

today i am grateful for...
friends
who love without judgement,
inspire, support
laugh, cry, hug
are there
push me to be better
hang out
have fun
talk and listen.

family
who make my life complete
teach me about faith and strength
being true
staying the course
frustrate the heck out of me
inspire me to the end
share
dream
create joy and laughter
love.

god
who loves me and i him.
lets me feel him in my life
who forgives and encourages
has a plan
answers prayers
changes my heart and mind
renews my spirit
gives me time
says no and yes
gives me adventure
has patience with me.

today i can
stop and listen
move and do
be quiet and plan
take action
sing and dance
read, laugh
smile, jump
sleep, read
watch, listen
write, share
think, choose
be content
do whatever i want
whenever i want.

today is my birth day,
and so
i celebrate my life
my choices
my being
my friends and family, my god.
me.

today is the first day of the rest of my life.
today is a gift.

image from: ebibleteacher.com

winning the battle

i'm losing the battle with myself right now.

i've been struggling to find the motivation to lose weight and get my butt in gear for three months, and it's just not happening.  i lost a lot of weight when i was deployed and i've now gained it all back, plus a little more.  not good, not good at all.

so, i've now invested in a well known diet plan to get myself started.  i refuse to let money go to waste, so i'm hoping this will be the jump start i need to start the weight loss and change my eating habits.

my work out plan is off to a good start.  i'm logging miles for a trip to the mississippi river in a competition at work to see who can get there first.  it's only 900 miles, so it feels doable.  right?

fingers crossed.

i'm so going to win this battle!

image from: nedarc.org

spring

spring is in the air.

i can see it in the bright blue sky,

in the sunlight that stays longer each evening,

in the melting mountains of snow,

and the green grass starting to raise up towards light and warmth.
spring...

big sigh of contentment.

image from here