the price of greatness

Since I entered government 45 years ago, I’ve shifted my views and changed my mind on a good many things as circumstances, new information, or logic dictated.  But I have yet to see evidence that would dissuade me from this fundamental belief: that America does have a special position and set of responsibilities on this planet.  I share Winston Churchill’s belief that “the price of greatness is responsibility…[and] the people of the United States cannot escape world responsibility.” 

~As Delivered by Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates, Washington, DC, Tuesday, May 24, 2011

cancelled

the cable is cancelled.

i know, i said i was doing this last month, but i never got around to doing it. but yesterday i called from work to cancel the cable. i sat on hold for 20 minutes and proofread a document while listening to muzack and cheesy promotional announcements.

i finally spoke with a customer service representative who verified twice that i did indeed want to cancel the cable and not renew it for my new place.

yes, i said. i do really want to cancel the cable today.

okay, he said. it's cancelled.

little did i know that he really meant it. that right then, right there the cable really was cancelled. when i got home that evening and sat down to chill for a minute and watch tv for one last time i was plum outta luck. no signal at all. and you know what? that's okay with me.

moving

So, this moving thing has thrown me for a bit of an psycho-emotional loop. (Yes, I'm psycho and yes I'm emotional.) It's been a little scarier than usual to make this move and it's only four blocks--that's right only four blocks. You'd think this would be easier compared to moving from Utah to DC or putting my stuff in storage to head off to Afghanistan. I'm even way more organized for this move than I have been for any other moves. I'm just determined to make this as physically painless as possible and it's working.

But, and yes there is a but, I'm having a bit of trouble emotionally making this move. It turns out that this is a pretty big step for me towards the life I have always envisioned for myself and it's scary as heck! Funny and a bit scary just how much this move represents for me.

I've been resisting moving on from a couple of issues in my life and this move to a bigger, above-ground space has opened up a whole set of dragons to be dealt with in order to feel good about this change. It's all good and what's been boiling up to the surface really is stuff that needs to be dealt with, and initially it was proving much more difficult than I thought.

So, why is it that fear rears its ugly head when great things are happening or good decisions are being made? Why am I so afraid of good things happening? Well, that's a question I took to a good friend who has a gift for helping people see themselves as God sees them and also for helping them "let go and let God." In talking with her about my feelings, I've seen once again just how much God loves me and how aware of me and my problems He is. He really does know me, what I need and he gives it so freely.

I know this stuff. It's not anything new to me, but what is amazing to me is how easy it is for him to heal and give answers sometimes. I shouldn't be so surprised by this, but I always am, just a little. It's like I don't quite trust the system yet, even though time and time again it's been proven to work. I think that somehow maybe I'm not truly worthy of help or a quick answer, but as it turns out I'm just afraid. God sees my fear and works through it anyway. I'm working on that having no fear thing, and I'm guessing it will be a life long project.

In the meantime, I'm concentrating on moving forward with faith and putting those things over which I have no control in God's hands. After all he created this world, so I'm pretty certain he can create good stuff out of my personal chaos and help me tame my inner dragons.

I really love my cute, little apartment. It's been a cozy refuge from the storm for me, even with all the craziness of break-ins, mice and birds that have happened over the past few months. It's been good for me to be on my own and see what I'm capable of doing.

I'm excited for my new space, and I'm going to have soooo much space. I'm going to have lots of sunlight, a front and back garden to care for, and a front porch to sit on and read. And this is the life I've dreamed of having for a long time now, and I'm taking the first steps towards making it mine. Scary? Totally! Exciting? You bet'cha! It wouldn't be worth doing if I didn't have to stretch myself a bit and do some more growing.

So, here's to moving, changing, growing, believing, accepting and good things happening!

things that made me smile this week

-packing for the move next weekend.

-i'm still smiling over the garden at my new house.

-watching the drop dead diva season premiere again.

-sore muscles after a bike ride and a run.

-retaking the color code personality test and discovering that yellow is now my primary color. usually when i take this test, i'm a power hungry red with playful, creative yellow as my secondary color. change is good.

-getting a new perspective on a personal problem with which i've been wrestling.

-telling the guys at work about my recent dating experiences and having them laugh at how ridiculous some men are. afterwards, a few of them told me that listening to my experiences made them so grateful to be married. and i thought, "wow, i bet your wives are grateful to be married to you too."

-air conditioning.

-the smell of rain off in the distance. such a clean, earthy smell.

-remember this post about a friend's betrayal. this week my friend trusted me enough to ask for help.

have a fabulous weekend!

surprise garden

this lovely little surprise garden was the only good thing to 

come out of the disastrous first date/meet-up earlier this week.

i never knew this was here before.

i love surprise gardens.

thoughtful thursday: masterpiece

pod from here

Our great and glorious masterpiece is to live appropriately.

~Michael de Montaigne

the light

He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death. ~Mosiah 16:9




This is what is going through my head today. I'm so thankful for my testimony of Christ, my truest friend and brother.

reasons i love dc: baseball

uncovering the field after a one hour rain delay

if you look closely you can see the top of the library of congress poking up.

a golden sunset

the moon hits a homerun!

oh yeah, the nationals won 8-4 against the orioles last friday.