more on growing up

I’m an independent soul. I often insist on doing things all by myself, and I’ve been this way ever since I was a child. I remember how I felt riding the bus home on my first day of school. This was the first time in my life I had done anything away from my mom and I felt so grown up as I stepped off the bus to walk up the hill with no adult supervision. This was it, I was growing up.



Much to my disappointment my younger brother Raymond was waiting for me when I walked off the bus. My mom had sent him down to meet me because he really missed me. He and I are a year apart, so he probably wanted to feel grown up as well. My mom must have thought that I would be excited to see my brother.


I was so mad. This wasn't turning out at all how I had planned. I wanted to walk up the hill by myself and not with my little brother. I made him walk up the hill ahead of me. According to my mom and the vague memories I have of the incident, I think I might have even thrown some rocks at him. My poor mom thought she was doing something really great and fun for my first day at school, but instead she had a crying child and one very angry kindergartener on her hands. What a brat I was!


I am laughing as I write this, because I can just see myself asserting my five year old sense of independence. At times I feel that not too much has changed.  I don’t throw rocks at my brothers any more, but I do try to assert my independence. I still find myself having a hard time asking for help or even accepting it when it’s offered. I often think I have to walk up the hill all by myself.


I am continually learning that I can’t and don’t need do it all myself. I have to keep remembering that just like my mom God doesn’t want me to walk up the hill all by myself. He sends help, and all I have to do it is let Him in so I can see the help He sends.  When I do I feel stronger, my heart a little softer and a little less bratty, and most of all I don’t feel alone.  And this I think is the point for all of us--He doesn't want us to feel alone, and He knows we are stronger when there is more than one of us in the mix.