trust

So, I have trust issues. While I've made great headway on this over the years, I still have more work to do. The other day I was with a friend, who kept teasing that he was going to throw me in the water, and this made me nervous. I knew he was teasing, but there was this big part of me that kept thinking he really would do it.


I really wanted to trust him. So, when he finally looked at me, and said that he wouldn't throw me in the water, I deliberately made the choice to believe him. I said to him, "Alright, I trust you," and believed it. Then I started to laugh--I laughed so hard, my knees went weak and I thought I was going to have an accident. I was letting go of being distrustful and latching onto the truth, and laughing because it felt so good to feel that pure trust. It was a good moment.


I've discovered that often trust is an intentional decision. Sometimes trust is organic and natural with no questions asked. Other times, it must be earned or decided. It's a fine line between fine line trusting too much and being deceived and disappointed, and not trusting enough and being closed to forming a connection or loving fully. Dr. Frank Crane, a Presbyterian minister, captured this dilemma perfectly when he wrote, "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough."


Trusting someone means being vulnerable, which means being open to disappointment and hurt when the trust is broken. It also means being open to happiness and joy, when the trust is deepened. It can also mean being open to love. 


As for me, I choose love.